[Paddlewise] Tethers and tandems

Have been reading the posts on tethers and tandem boats with some interest
so took a few posts down to the random meeting of the Burk's Falls Sculling
and Punting Club for discussion and beer.

Dr. Inverbon (never shy) spoke right up saying he had been paddling canoes
for over forty years and never used a tether.  It was his hypothesis that
sea kayakers might suffer from a return-to-the-womb syndrome (possibly
explaining the need to crawl into a boat instead of kneeling as any self
respecting  Catholic and paddler would do). That the tether is attached to
the boat rather than the paddler might suggest a deep seated insecurity
about the mother's love or perhaps a rejection of a mother that did not
allow staying up late to watch Letterman.

I myself have seen paddlers caught in rough waves and high winds curl into
the fetal position and whimper quietly so perhaps there is some support for
Dr. Inverbon's theory. Peregrine Klohr, our local mortician, (he doesn't
have much to do since people around here live to a ripe old age and young
people move away to the big smoke so he has lots of time to paddle)
supported  Dr. Inverbon saying that he too never used a tether and wondered
if kayakers were just manually challenged and unable to hold their paddles.
Percy, my next door neighbour and frequent paddling companion, said the
thought they (sea kayakers) were gear addicts and that they couldn't resist
playing with their GPS's, VHF's etc.. all at the same time and kept
dropping things. Lots of laughter at that.

To me this was a bit of an insult to my kayaking friends and I explained
how complicated a capsize was. First one capsizes and attempts a roll. That
fails so you try again. That fails so you bail out holding on to the paddle
with one hand and the boat with the other. The GPS you hold in your teeth
(the VHF is under the forward deck bungies). You then right the boat and
holding on to your paddle with one hand and the boat with the other you
reach for your paddle float while you spit the GPS into the cockpit.
Realising you can't do this as both hands are already occupied you let go
of the boat which begins to be blown away. You grab for the boat and drop
the paddle and it starts to get blown away (forgot your tether Eh?). Now
you swim to the downwind side so the boat will be blown up against you
instead of away. Attach the paddle float while holding on to the boat with
your toes (having already removed your Tevas), and begin to crawl back into
the boat using your toes and left hand while you use your right hand to
free your testicles from the deck bungies. Unfortunately you have tried to
enter the boat from the downwind side and the boat recapsizes in the next
breaking wave (what are you doing capsizing in non breaking waves?). Now
you remember the GPS is no longer in your mouth and holler for help but
realise that your friends have also capsized (they were smart and followed
the rule that you always paddle with some one more skilled better than
their selves but unfortunately you were the one who was more skilled). Now
reach for the VHF that has somehow come out from under the deck bungies
being careful not to swallow the GPS or let go of the boat with your right
hand, the paddle float with your left, pull up your spray skirt that is
slipping down around your knees with your right or left or any appendage
not being used.

Things are deteriorating so you inflate your inflatable PFD with your right
hand, hold on to the boat with your left, push the paddle and paddle float
back into the bungies with your left foot, and fish the EPIRB out of the
cockpit bag with your right foot. Now the PFD makes it impossible to get in
over the paddle float because it is so bulky and snags on the deck bungies,
your foul weather gear, the hatches, and the steering cables for the
rudder. You remove your knife with your left hand, hold on to the boat with
your right and cut away the deck bungies and steering cables thus releasing
the foul weather gear and your testicles. Unfortunately the paddle float
will no longer work. Holding on to the boat with your right hand you deploy
your empty bottles of Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc but can't attach them with
only one hand so you let go of the boat and it starts to drift away.
Grabbing a loose bungie with your left hand you tie it around your neck and
then attach the bottles. Unfortunately you tied the bungie too tight and
the boat keeps jerking at your neck and you begin to lose consciousness.
Removing the bungie with your right hand while treading water with both
feet and holding on to the boat with your you  right (or left hand) you
manage to re- board the boat. Using your left hand to pump out the water
you use your right hand to put the knife back in its sheath so it won't cut
off your other testicle (your knife is on  tether, right?) . Now reinstall
the spray skirt with both hands (I know you have one of these tight fitting
skirts that won't pop off at the slightest whim) while you paddle floats
away while accidentally turning on the EPIRB with your left large toe that
you thought you were putting back into your  Tevas.

Once bailed you throw away the pump (remember you cut off the bungies) and
reattach your spray skirt now you reach for your paddle. OOPS, that was
your paddle you saw floating away. Lucky you. A passing capsized kayak
belonging to a friend no longer attached to his boat and not hollering for
help loud enough to obligate you to go to his aid has a spare paddle. Too
bad you can't see your friend or you would surely go to his aid but, since
you can't, you paddle to the shoreline with a clear conscience where you
meet with some kayakers who comment on your ordeal.

When asked how they managed in the storm  they reply that they noticed the
barometer was falling rapidly, the air was getting colder, the dark bank of
clouds to the west  and felt it might be too dangerous in deteriorating
weather to paddle around the exposed point.

Bunch of wimps.

You then relaunch thinking you might still make it home in time for the
hockey game and feeling sorry for those wimps who would rather sit out a
storm than go paddling. Being a caring paddler you look around for any of
your friends but assume that, because you can't see them, they have gone on
ahead and you will meet them at the take out.

When I explained this to my fellow club members they apologised for being
so hasty in their judgement. Dr. Inverbon, however, is a hard case and
suggested that maybe, just maybe, less gear and more smarts were in order.

Of course, Dr. Invebon is a radical.

Regarding tandem sea kayaks, Here in Ontario where canoeing is more popular
that sea kayaking we do a lot of paddling in tandem boats. The typical
tripping canoe is only 16' long and, remarkably enough, we manage to carry
all our gear and even manage to carry on conversations with wives,
children, partners, and significant others. We even have to get out
occasionally and carry the gear and boat and oddly enough we do that
without too much difficulty. Dr. Inverbon suggests that it is the deck that
causes so many problems for tandem sea kayakers. Indeed, it may be (he
theorises) that sea kayak decks are sound proof and emit white noise
between the paddlers making communication impossible between bow and stern
paddler.  (I see potential here for some inventor to develop a speaking
tube between paddling stations) The storage problem can be traced to the
size of most kayak builder's shops. There just isn't enough room to build
both a deck an a hull in  large enough size to hold a GPS, VHF,
refrigerator for ice cream, paddle float, Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc,
tethers, assorted wet and dry suits, knives, folding chairs, etc.. So,
impoverished builders do the best they can and just make the boats smaller.
If paddlers were willing to pay more for their boats builders could buy
bigger garages and build bigger boats.

On the other hand, maybe a bigger boat wouldn't look as nice on the BMW.

Cheers,
John Winters
Redwing Designs
Specialists in Human Powered Watercraft
http://home.ican.net/~735769/





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