Re: [Paddlewise] Palaeolithic Crotch Dirigibles

How kind of Pharr Horissons to remind us of the "Skinny-Butt" peoples of
the arctic. His lectures on TAB syndrome are still recalled with pleasure.
However he has stumbled out of his field of expertise when discussing
crotch dirigibles.

It is not the size of the Inuit that prevented soaring but the time of year
and the diet. The only vegetable matter capable of creating sufficient
methane for crotch dirigible soaring is partially digested caribou moss. As
Mr. Horissons well knows, humans cannot digest caribou  moss and can only
eat it in its fermented state after it has been left to mature in the sun.
Clearly this is where Mr. Horissons  goes astray. There is no caribou moss
in the winter. It is covered with snow. Nor is there sufficient light to
graze by unless Mr. Horissons imagines the caribou grazing about with tiny
little flashlights attached to their antlers. The caribou have long ago
migrated south and there is no sun to generate enough heat for
fermentation.  The inferior methane produced from muktuk wouldn't lift an
anorexic Brit although it is a rather reliable laxative.

This change in diet as caused more than a loss of crotch dirigible soaring.
Introduction of the Canadian diet of Tim Horton's donuts, potato chips and
Labatt's Blue has forced cancellation of the Baffin Island Battle of the
Buns Band Festival. How sad it was in 1958 to see natives in the last
Festival striving manfully to play their instruments but getting nothing
but a pitiful squeak. It was as if someone had adulterated the water supply
with Beano.

Furthermore, the Inuit don't harvest sea weed in the winter as the beaches
are covered with ice. Even the Club Med bunnies migrate south at this time
of year. Where Mr. Horissons steps off the path is in not understanding
that it is not the weight of the Palaeolithic Inuit that was the problem
but
their dependence (and consequently the weight) upon stone tools. When was
the
last time Mr. Horissons saw a jolly miller wafting about the English
country
side with his millstone tied to his feet?

I am appalled that Mr. Horissons would threaten violence on this peace
loving mailing list. Ms. Fenton, where have you been? Let us purge our list
of hot-headed drive-by paddle-murderers.

For Mr. Horissons benefit I will gladly educate him that  Ph.G designates a
Graduate in Pharmacy, a highly respected title among the cognisant in
Colombia.

Sincerely,

Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G

P.S The failure to capitalise the "G" in Dr. Inverbon's title in his last
posting was mine. The good doctor still refuses to type his own messages.

JW






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