----------------------------------------------------------------------- TRUE STORY OF THE WEEK Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train when his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber underwear was made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their original size in the event of a tidal wave. "I am terrified of water, and death by drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48. "Unfortunately I set them off accidently while looking for a boiled sweet on a rush hour train. They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed them with a pencil." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I am attempting to contact Katsuo as I type, Sea Slacker magazine has allready promised to promote these amazing new devices. I hope to convince Katsuo to reengineer his shorts so that the inflation takes place above the waistline; first on one side to right the kayak, then on the other side to keep the kayak upright - Banzai Self Righting Shorts - Banzai Self Righting Speedofloats for those more physically fit. (Note to self: Get patent application started before that Tim guy starts suing to make his shorts mandatory accessories for all sea yaks.) Sincerely, Brian (gonna make a million) Heifner. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
Hold on a minute! This might be the solution for ol' "Skinny Butt" !!! At 02:16 PM 4/7/98 -0700, you wrote: >----------------------------------------------------------------------- > TRUE STORY OF THE WEEK > > Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train when > his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber underwear was > made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their original > size in the event of a tidal wave. "I am terrified of water, and death by > drowning is my greatest fear" said Katsuo, 48. "Unfortunately I set them > off accidently while looking for a boiled sweet on a rush hour train. > They were crushing everybody in the carriage until a passenger stabbed > them with a pencil." >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >I am attempting to contact Katsuo as I type, Sea Slacker magazine >has allready promised to promote these amazing new devices. I hope to >convince Katsuo to reengineer his shorts so that the inflation takes >place above the waistline; first on one side to right the kayak, then >on the other side to keep the kayak upright - Banzai Self Righting Shorts >- Banzai Self Righting Speedofloats for those more physically fit. >(Note to self: Get patent application started before that Tim guy starts >suing to make his shorts mandatory accessories for all sea yaks.) > >Sincerely, > Brian (gonna make a million) Heifner. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
Brian wrote; > > Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train when > his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off. The rubber underwear was > made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their original > size in the event of a tidal wave. Three cheers for Katsuo Katugoru for reviving the ancient "crotch dirigible" that helped the Inuit colonise the world while ancient tabloid subscribers were calling down imaginary space taxis with graffiti on the Naszca plains or building pyramids in Egypt to focus ether forces for the levitation of politicians from office. Neither were successful as there are no wrecked space ships to be found in South America. They should have known. What self respecting alien would land where there were no bored housewives or garage attendants for scientific study. No politicians were levitated either. Their desiccated bodies cumbered the bowels of pyramids where they have been found surrounded by thieves and archaeologists. Had they only known. Pig bladders would have worked as well a caribou hides and we would all be descended from Egyptians instead of the Inuit. This, of course, explains why Muslims remained confined to the Mid- East - pigs are unclean and mothers have always told their daughters not to be caught dead with dirty underwear. What a wondrous sight it must have been to see hundreds of thousands of Inuit wrapped in inflated caribou hide jockey shorts riding the giant Rossby waves of the Palaeolithic age (See note 1) on their sinuous journey about the virgin planet. Further scattered by low level jet streams, they populated the planet like so many hot air dandelion seeds. Today a few serious students of anthropology like Katsuo Katugoru are proving to a sceptical world the practicality of this ancient method of transportation. Unfortunately, much has been lost in reproducing the traditional "crotch dirigible " as it is called in Inuit folk tales. Synthetic materials, while producing similar lift and inspiring greater sexual achievement in those with a rubber fetish, lack the durability for long distance flight and often explode at higher altitudes. Perhaps this explains why there are more kayak replicas built than crotch dirigibles. One really needs natural materials for a proper job. One enthusiast no longer with us discovered he was allergic to latex rubber proteins but only after he was elevated to 10,000 feet. In scratching himself he punctured his dirigible. The FAA now requires pilots to trim their fingernails before flights. Sceptics ask, "How did the Inuit inflate these devices? Surely you aren't suggesting that they had hydrogen generators in those days." One can only smile at their ignorance. The Inuit used methane. Inuit folk lore is resplendent with amusing anecdotes about ingesting the partially digested contents of caribou stomaches to improve methane production. Unfortunately they lose something in the translation. Sincerely, Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.g Note 1: The Palaeolithic age is believed by many to have witnessed the first tool cultures who used chipped stone tools, about 750,000 years ago, until the beginning of the Mesolithic Age, about 15,000 years ago. This such rubbish. Inflated caribou hides even when inflated with the hottest of flatuent gases would not lift an Inuit with a pack full of stone tools. Besides, Inuit dirigible pilots would have learned from the Hindenberg disaster and daredevil university fraternity brothers not to have sparking tools in close proximity to flammable gases. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
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