I have read that very few ancient or traditional kayakers knew how to swim. In the conditions and temperatures they were exposed to, getting out of your kayak was absolutely the last option. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
Richard wrote; I have read that very few ancient or traditional kayakers knew how to swim. In the conditions and temperatures they were exposed to, getting out of your kayak was absolutely the last option. I am taking the liberty of copying Dr Inverbon's post on certification. Note the portion concerning kayak subway system revealing how the Inuit had no need to learn to swim. The question on everyone's lips is, "How did the Inuit learn to paddle without certification?" I have pondered this problem for many years and am pleased to say that, after the most diligent research involving the study of Pingo pictographs, oral tradition (nothing to do with Monica Lewinski), and extensive interviews with British kayakers in their native habitat, that I believe the answer is at hand. We know, of course, that the Inuit did not have a written language and so, could not have a certificate even if they had BCU courses. I myself have visited the homes of Inuit paddlers and found not one single certificate nor could I find a single picture of Derek Hutchinson. This conclusively proves that the Inuit could not paddle. Yet how , one asks, did they get from one place to another without paddling? The answer lies in ones ability to correctly observe a phenomenon through the smog of every day experience. For example, we know that bees cannot fly and yet all of us have seen them happily buzzing about on a warm summer's day. How is this possible? Von Berlitz was the first to recognise that our perspectives were wrong and attributed (quite correctly I believe) bee flight to antigravity and points out that the bees have to work ever so hard to keep from flying off into space. The Romans who domesticated bees are thought to have tied them to Roman buildings using Spider Silk thus creating aerial cities. Regrettably none of these great aerial cities are left to study since they all fell down when nectar supplies ran short after the invasions of the Gauls. Bees are known to despise Gauls and were the first to evacuate. Today, of course, bees spend much of their lives holding on to flowers - a rather poor substitute for marble. I know what you are thinking, the professor has gone around the bend and thinks kayaks can fly. Not so. I use the example of the bees to show how the common perception may be distorted by faulty observation. Even today some people believe bees fly despite all evidence to the contrary. But I digress. The fact is that Inuit kayaks were subway cars that travelled a vast network of undersea subway tubes. The Inuit had no need to paddle further than the nearest station. Whenever they wanted to travel they just rolled upside down and entered one of their underwater tunnels. Professor Klohr claims that the the tubes sucked the Inuit from one place to another but I think it fair to say he is obsessed with American politics and the discovery of graffiti on ice bergs saying "There is no such thing as gravity, the earth sucks." is not necessarily Inuit since they have no written language. I believe (and I think further research will bear out) that the Inuit used captive Rossby waves. Mind the system wasn't perfect. Occasionally a hapless Inuit hunter would end up at the Bloor and Yonge station and get mugged by skinheads, or worse, get off at Queen's Park and turn into a politician. Most of the time they just stuck out their paddle as they approached a station and were spun off into Tuktoyuk or Pond Inlet. No certificate needed, just a parka full of tokens. Anthropologists thought missing Inuit drowned when they left home and didn't come back. Here again is evidence of the narrow perspective of anthropologists. All of them turned up somewhere else where they were indistinguishable from other Inuit. The unsuccessful Inuit would roll back up when they ran out of breath and go home. The anthropologists, believing no one would want to cut an interview short, thought these were the successful rollers while all the time the happy hunters were sucking muktuk a hundred or so versts away. One must be amused that the British national sport of kayak rolling is the result of British subway envy. Psychological progress is being as recently the Brits have built a Chunnel of their own that allows them to visit the brothels of Paris. No doubt the Scots created golf under a similar misunderstanding when they observed gophers darting into their holes and did not recognise it as the antecedent to bizarre sexual practices in San Francisco. We must be tolerant of the British Explorers who were, no doubt, cold and hungry and not really on top of things. It was the Brits who also spread the misinformation that Inuit men shared their wives with visitors. No self respecting Inuit would do such a thing and besides the Brits smelled bad and Inuit women could not stand to be around them. Wanting to be accommodating the Inuit men would send the deprived and depraved tars to the seal rookeries saying, "Get thee to a rookery". The Brits misunderstood thinking the seals were Inuit nuns. The Jolly British Tar likes his women with whiskers so the deception went unnoticed. Sadly this vast underwater subway system has fallen into disuse with the introduction of the freighter canoe and outboard motor. Sad how transient traditions are. Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.4.0 : Thu Aug 21 2025 - 16:32:53 PDT