Re: [Paddlewise] Who really invented Paunch Stew?

Richard wrote;


>
>Lets give credit for paunch stew where it is due.  Herodotus,
>writing of the customs of the Sythians in his coverage of Darius'
>invasions circa 500 B.C., provides the details of Sythian Paunch
>Stew, made from ox, and by the ingenious method of using nothing
>but the ox itself for food, fuel and cooking utensil.  (See The
>Histories, Book IV).  Add spices to taste.
>


I am greatly indebted to Richard for bringing this to my attention and yet
It would seem that once again the short and selective memory of historians
plagues us for Post modernists historians, anointed with the blood of DNA,
have discovered that the Sythians were descendants of Inuit crotch
dirigible explorers who were wafted south by Giant Rossby Waves.

The heat in southern climes promoted decay of their caribou skin crotch
dirigible bags (according to Klohr - Inuit Explorations, pp 223 - 265) and
they set down where there were no caribou. Attempts at making replacement
dirigibles out of the much heavier Oxen paunches failed and, like so many
science fiction travellers they were compelled to make the best of a bad
thing. However, in the same manner that scientists around the world make
great discoveries by accident, the Inuit developed all manner of uses for
Oxen. In only a few short centuries (centuries were shorter then due to a
priest class with little patience) there were Bar-B-Que parties across the
length and breadth of Sythia using the self cooking oxen and a Texan with a
J.R. Ewing syndrome would have felt right at home dancing the two-step with
victimised Sythian womanhood.

It is often remarked that drunken Texans, after eating a surfeit of
Bar-B-Que speak in tongues that have remarkable similarity to the Sythian
language.

Sadly, the Inuit interbred with Sythian prostitutes (the higher class of
Sythian womanhood objected to the Inuit pheromones) and, because they
failed to leave their lusty Inuit sexual appetites ( what else does one do
during the long winter nights?) at home they soon overpopulated the
country. The results were predictable. The mongrelised race grasped
control. The tragic treatment of the gentle Lesbians still disturbs
historians who, upon reading about it break down into tears. Histories of
the period are now printed on waterproof paper like so many Inland waterway
guides.  Had it not been for the intercession of more enlightened Inuit who
kept their race and paddling style pure Lesbians would have been wiped from
the face of the earth.

We must beware of the careless use of labels. Just as one is tempted to
assume that "Sythians" are "Sythians" and not the offspring of Inuit
explorers emulating Spanish Conquistadors so are we tempted to carelessly
use the term "Greenland" and apply it to paddles and paddling styles as if
they have a purity of form and purpose, Indeed, the so called "Greenland
style" of paddling is in reality the "British style" of paddling. As the
Greenlanders moved away from human powered watercraft to the much more
efficient Hondas and Yamahas they lost their original skills. The Brits,
seeing a way to capitalise on the short historical memory (no written
language) introduced the British style via BCU coaches who, like the
missionaries before them did unspeakable things to young Inuit boys, The
Inuit trusted the Brits as experts and soon claimed the reintroduced but
corrupted style as the style of their grandfathers.

In this we see the effect of reverse cultural intrusion and the failure of
oral tradition to accurately transmit culture.

Today, the Greenland style of paddling is erroneously labelled for in fact
it is the British style as modified and corrupted by British army officers
playing at Eskimo and returned to the Inuit via the the BCU propaganda
machine.

Sad but true. Historians are but bad writers of fiction.

And what is the true Greenland style of paddling? We can never know
although we are blessed with an ample number of experts who do know and
should not be troubled that they cannot agree. Sea kayaking magazines would
consist of but ten pages of advertising and an article about the mysticism
of paddling were it not for the growth industry in Greenland revisionist
history.

Respectfully,

Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G
Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters







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