[Paddlewise] The First Roll

Almost daily long lashed, dewy lipped, voluptuous young things who have
taken up sea kayaking accost me whispering,"Professor Inverbon, please tell
me what you have learned about Inuit kayakers during your travels in the
Arctic."  It would take a hard hearted man to resist their childlike
entreaties. In the past I have not published the more interesting
information passed on to these paddling innocents as not all of them have
reached the age of consent. Today, however, I am moved by nostalgia and the
memory of gifts received as a child to give the readers of Paddlewise a
small gift of knowledge.

To put myself in the right mood I will pour a small glass of Amontillado
and dandle a pneumatic young niece on my knee. And now, my children the
story of The First Roll.

The First Roll

Long ago when there were wolves in Wales and no sea kayak center and the
Eskimo stalked the wild polar cats along the shores of the ice rimmed, fish
freezing sea, the Inuit of Greenland paddled out to sea in their skin
boats. Many did not return for kayakangst and stormy weather would
sometimes catch them unawares and they would capsize and drown.

Then one day the Europeans arrived in their tall ships and the Inuit were
sore afraid for they knew not what to make of such large vessels with many
people rushing about on them and great skins dangling from the sticks
above. What animals could these have been that had such large white skins.
What great hunters these must be to kill them.

When the great kayak came to a stop and dropped a huge hook into the water
the Inuit wondered at why they would fish for whales in the harbour.
Nothing happened for some time and finally they persuaded their greatest
hunter, Dereklik, to paddle out to see what, if anything, he could learn.

Dereklik paddled slowly out and around the great kayak. The eyes of many
men followed him. Slowly he drew closer and then, as he neared the bow, he
saw something that truly amazed him.  There suspended below a long pole was
woman with long flowing golden hair. A woman of extraordinary beauty. Even
though he had never seen her like before (none of the women he knew had
golden hair) he knew she was a woman for the she was endowed with a shape
that only a woman could have. And this was an amazing woman for the
European shipwright is known for his appreciation of women and a tendency
to exaggerate the features that most impress his simple mind.

As Dereklik slowly drifted under the boat he gazed upwards until the boat
drifted directly under the bow sprit where, disoriented, Dereklik capsized.
At first he tried to escape from the cockpit but he was wedged in tight for
this was his brother's boat he had borrowed and his brother was much
smaller in the tush. Panic set in and he flailed about with his paddle.
Then he saw the golden hair of the woman and reached up to her with his
paddle hoping she would pull him upright. But she could not reach the
paddle (he thought) and he pulled it back towards him violently while
lamenting  his foolishness. The force of the action caused the boat to roll
up to the surface and miraculously Dereklik found himself right side up.

Before he could consider what happened the men on the great kayak began to
cheer and throw small gifts to him as a reward for his demonstration.

Then Dereklik paddled home to tell his friends what had happened. That
night they practised the roll (Dereklik had a marvellous memory) and by
morning they could all roll. At daybreak they all paddled out to the ship
and began rolling and the sailors responded as the day before, for they
thought the Inuit had always known how to roll and that Dereklik and the
others were simply showing off.

An anthropologist aboard the ship was particularly impressed and wrote a
lengthy treatise on kayak rolling explaining how the Inuit had hundreds of
different rolls (the product of hasty training in which no standardised
method was learned).

Soon Europeans where kayaking and rolling and writing more and more about
traditional Inuit kayaking skills. Industries formed around paddling called
the BCU and ACA and ORCA, and others. The Inuit, however, soon grew bored
with rolling (especially when sailors quit throwing gifts and insisted on
sleeping with the Inuit women) and getting water in their noses and ears
and adopted the power boat for hunting and fishing. Before long the
"traditional" skill  of rolling disappeared among the Inuit and the BCU
lamented the loss. The only remaining vestige of the old skills were blonde
pin-ups from Playboy that Inuit men still prize highly.

And so, the BCU returned to Greenland and taught the Inuit their old skills
and soon the Greenlanders had kayak clubs and kayak competitions.

And so it is my children that quantum physics is affirmed for the observer
influences events and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle only applies to
those who are uncertain.

Merry Christmas to all.


Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G
Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters
  .


***************************************************************************
PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List
Submissions:     paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net
Subscriptions:   paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net
Website:         http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/
***************************************************************************