Re: [Paddlewise] Fwd: Wrongful intent and Cold Canadian Ballast Rocks

From: John Winters <735769_at_ican.net>
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 08:11:19 -0500
John LeBlanc wrote;
>Fellow Paddlers,
>
>While it is true that you get what you pay for, who would ever want to use
a
>genuine Canadian Ballast Rock (TM) in the winter?  They are cold as hell!

Ahhh yes, the voice of ignorance. Those who live in the north and
particularly those of Finnish descent know that Genuine Canadian Ballast
Rocks (TM) hold thier heat better than any other type.
No sauna worth the name would use anything but. Canadians and North
American Indians familiar with the Sweat Lodge and its purifying powers
would never stoop to using inferior young rocks from southern lataitudes
for, only precambrian rocks hold their heat properly and you into tune with
the Earth Mother.

>One of the primary, secondary uses for ballast rocks in the first place is
to
>place into ones sleeping bag to keep them warm at night.  Now think of how
>danged cold Genuine Canadian Ballast Rocks (TM) are in winter.

I wish John had read teh well writtena nd copiuos instructions on the box
wherer they explain trhe best and safest methods of heating your Genuine
Canadian Ballast Rocks (TM) before slipping them into your sleeping bag for
a warm and blissful sleep in -30 degree weather.

(SNIP of chauvanistic comment)

>>Listen, he is the kind of person that entices you into his sleeping bag
in the
>winter with the promise of warming you up when in fact he is intent on
>stealing every last calorie from your almost hypothermic body.

I think you may have confused me with the Southern Redneck Winters family
who sleep with their sisters and cousins. They are not related in any way
to the Canadian Winters family that follows the traditional taboos
regarding incest.

>For the love of all mankind, please!  Buy Tropical Ballast Rocks during
the
>winter even if the inferior ones from Asia are all you can get.  Your very
>life may depend on it!

Indeed, your life may depend upon using only the real thing. By all means
experiment with inferior rocks if you wish but don't blame me for the
results.

Cheers,
John Winters
Redwing Designs
Specialists in Human Powered Watercraft
http://home.ican.net/~735769/

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Received on Thu Dec 31 1998 - 05:21:47 PST

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