Re: [Paddlewise] Storm Island Rescue

Here's a couple of responses to the recent above captioned thread, grouped
together for efficiency. I should also mention that my e-mail was full
today with supportive confirmation and grateful thanks for the divulging of
the rescue report to PW. I submitted the story with the knowledge I may
loose financially and run the risk of cutting myself off from SK Magazine.
To me, helping others immediately, learn from my mistakes outweighs most
other considerations. At the risk of sticking my foot further in my mouth,
I must respond to the non-back-channel stuff. Please delete or scroll down
to next post if not interested, it is long: 

Dave Kruger said:
>>There is much to reflect on in Doug's sobering narrative.  <snip>
Particularly vivid in my mind as I write is Doug's treatment of the
dynamics among the threesome which lead to their fateful decision(s).  Best
stuff like that I've seen in sea kayaking literature. Thanks, Doug.  May
you paddle in peace. And, yessir, the "feelgood" patina of the popular
paddling press won't accept a narrative like Doug's!  Outside mag, maybe>>

Thank you Dave. I was sincerely worried my post might have been an offence
to respected paddlers like yourself who tend to shy away from needlessly
machismo constructs like I normally post. I think right after the rescue,
the three of us involved debriefed and agreed to work toward a published
version utilizing an independent third party, as our versions would no
doubt differ - even if just simply due to the ensuing confusion suffered
during the rescue, from exhaustion - both mental and physical. I had
originally wanted to write the story up (and could have), as I already had
a working relationship with SK magazine. There was also an assumption of
loyalty on my part, as I had made a commitment to myself to contribute
worthwhile articles to SK for consideration (at least they don't devote
gobs of space to run SUV reviews like Canoe and Kayak Magazine!). 

Right from the start, there was disagreement about how this should be done.
Dave wanted to orchestrate the whole thing. I pursued Matt Broze, as I new
him to be the most trusted person in the community to put together an
unbiased version._I_ did that in concert with a serendipitous offer from
Matt. This took some deliberate lobbying by me of the other two paddlers to
get them to agree, as Matt tends to analyze things profusely. Matt
realized, as I did, that there were just too many lessons in the rescue,
not to let it suffer an ignoble end. SK safety write-ups have never really
dealt with the group dynamics issue before - probably one of _the_ most
important issues facing team paddle situations.

SK agreed to the arrangement, giving Matt the go ahead, which implied a
large cash commitment and many hours of resources from Matt and SK to
coordinate the versions and satisfy everyone. I think SK would feel
slighted by some of the PW comments, given the huge space they have
earmarked for the story - so that all the details could be sussed out. I
owe them an apology too, as I said they were "sitting" on the article.
Their hands were tied, and I can't go into why, nor the historicity of the
whole progression of occurrences.

I did threaten them a few months ago, as I was originally going to approach
Readers Digest and/or Outside Magazine with the story (I don't care too
much for Paddler Mag.). It is within my right to do so, legally and
otherwise, but I've wanted to remain faithful to SK and the decision that
the three of us made. Dave's trust has been lost by my recounting the tale
on PW, but I grew tired after a whole year of fiddle-farting around. My
understanding from the other two guys and SK was that the story would be
published in a timely fashion, with complete veracity.  This did not appear
to be happening, so I figured tacit agreements and other tenuous promises
were off (though I didn't hit the "send" key with that fully in mind, nor
maliciously - though I was upset with SK for not holding up their end on
another journalistic item I had going with them). 

If other people are committed to safety and/or involved with preaching the
safety message with the best interest of the paddling community at heart, a
written version of this story did not need suppressing (for whatever
reasons). PW is a group that I cherish. The help I received asking about my
bad back (partially due to that long tow), overwhelmed me. Why would I not
want to share with a group I respected (especially a newsgroup that can
regurgitativley innovative a rehashing of the rudder vs skeg debate, etc
?).   :-) 

I also cherish and love Andrew and David. I would die for each one of them
without even having to think about it. That is why I unadvisedly mentioned
personal glimpses of their relational lives at the end of my rescue report
- because I was so happy for them. On the CBC interview I gave, I told the
pesky reporter that I had wanted to "cut loose" Andrew from the tow, and
rescue myself so I would be assured of seeing my two girls and wife again
(6 mile crossings are a piece of cake to me - on my own terms), but then I
said I couldn't obviously do that - that the bible says the greatest thing
a man can do is lay down his life for a friend (the reporter cut me off at
that point, probably figured I was a religious nut from the right; I'm
actually an atypical Christian that thinks for himself). Andrew cried
profusely once I entered the cabin of the wheel house on board the fish
boat. After his "heat treatment" he was able to ambulate his words, and
expressed deep, deep heartfelt thanks, with profuse tears, to me for saving
his life with such a difficult tow. If that doesn't make print, I don't
care. It was a cherished moment between two friends, forged through the
fire of dire emergency. I will never forget the precious exchange via eye
contact, before even the words were spoken. He _was_ mad at me about the
interview though, later, as I made it sound like he didn't paddle at all -
but that was due to the rapid fire nature of radio journalism. However,
Dave said he was barely paddling toward the later part of the rescue, and
that is when I got a bit more reacquainted with God again. Hope that isn't
making anyone uncomfortable.

So I stressed Dave out. Well, I have been awfully stressed too. You wanna
know what, Doug Lloyd, the wild-side-guy, has only been out paddling FOUR
times since last April. I hate to admit that on this list. I have a
reputation to maintain, or Vince will supplant me! I just have had this
weight on my shoulders for a year, with no closure in sight. I can't even
complete my assignments for SK and Wavelegth magazines. I've repeatedly
told this to SK and Dave, repeatedly, and hinted it to Matt. I had to
unload it all the other night. I wasn't even getting my quotas at work. I
now feel like a huge weight has been lifted. You guys know me from
Paddlewise, I need to get things off my chest, and relaying via the print
medium, even electronically, helps.

Robert wrote:
>> <snip> Maybe I've not met enough 5 star paddlers in my life.  But the 5
star
paddler Doug describes does not sound like any other 5 star I've ever met or
even heard about.  Five Star not only connotes competence in extreme
conditions, but it also connotes leadership skills.>>

Dave is an awesome paddler. If it was only me and him on the trip, we would
have screamed down the coast, grins aplenty, and made the crossing before
the weather closed-out. If it had only been me and Andrew, we would have
used the extra time, and done the usual Pacific Northwest style of
cruising, only paddling during good weather and smelling the roses along
the way, recuperating and re energizing when needed. But the three of us
was perhaps a bad combo, which was my original fear. A fourth person with a
forceful personality or perhaps a logical female, may have helped, or could
have made it worse. Dunno.

I spoke with SK and Matt today (heck, am I an unpopular right now). I don't
think inclusion of my version of the incident on PW should preclude their
publishing of the rescue. In fact, I would hope Dave would want Matt's
balanced version in to print as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, Dave
can't read it yet, due to the post stress. Dave also has an SAR voice tape,
given to him without precedent, of the entire expensive rescue. Dave is
unable to review this material either, which is unfortunate, as it would
clear up much of the second guessing Matt has had to do and even help with
some of the current inaccuracies of the SK draft. We suffered badly on the
trip and the crossing. Dave was almost pitch-poled back a number of times
during the height of the gale, from the steep, open breaking waves (towing
Andrew helped level out my boat and Andrew's to some degree, but the pitch
and yaw with Dave's was terrible). Dave suffered more than anyone can
imagine. 6 hours of that gale imprinted on his brain - he was cold, falling
asleep, thinking he could die. I watched him, pumping his body, rocking
side to side a bit with exhausted shoulders, white as a ghost, with his
seams split - though he never told us at first, which was typical of out
poor communication. Anyway, I doubt any one of you on this friendly list
has ever experienced anything like that, or ever will, or can understand
what he went through - or have the skills to handle a boat in those
conditions. We both rolled a few times. I'm different though, I enjoy that
kind of abuse -its my reason for living - I'm never as alive or fulfilled
in my life as when I'm in those kind of situations. But I'm still sorry I
didn't give Dave more time to deal with things, whatever the complex issues
are. If the story never reaches a wider audience because of me and
Paddlewise, then I have done the community a disservice. If I have brought
in to a head, and closure ensues, then great. And please understand my
graphic stream of consciousness retelling of the incident wasn't intended
to hurt Dave or Andrew or suggest blame. Use of objectionable language is
not part of my daily life. I was just telling it the way it went down. I
always tell the truth on this list, keeping half truths and exaggerations
expunged. Matt has another few thousand words to let you know how the other
guys interpreted what they experienced and let readers know what a screw up
I can be. Hope it becomes available. Regardless, I'm going kayaking once a
week now, back to my first love, my "church" where I find spiritual
sustenance and my sanity. I will also never let anyone orchestrate my life
again. 

BC'in Ya
Doug Lloyd 



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