Re: [Paddlewise] new drysuit just arrived/new boat/looking for a good witchdoctor

>     Does anybody have any suggestions for improving
> my three-boat limit?

Sure.  I've dealt with this plenty.

First, since you are a professional in the area of kayaking, your boat (and
gear) purchases should be tax deductions.  Most people don't know much about
taxes.  Just tell her they are all tax deductable, and that may well end the
matter.

Second, tell her the next boat is hers.  Give it to her as a present on her
birthday or something (be sure to also give her a real present).  "Dear,
this is for you."  If she never uses it, then you're home free.  If she
takes up kayaking, then maybe the boat-buying bug will get her, too . . .
meaning automatic expansion of The Boat Number Limit.

Third, tell her it was bequeathed to you by a kayaking friend who had to
give up the sport because of some catastrophic illness.  "Honey, you
remember my old friend Schmobl?  No?  Old college buddy. . . Anyway, he has
developed Frankenstein's Syndrome and can't paddle any more.  He gave me his
boat.  What?  Yes, it is brand new.  He just bought it right before he
discovered the disease.  (Deep sigh, wipe away slight tear. . . )."  This
usually only works once.

Fourth, tell her you are signing up for a kayak building course on Wednesday
evenings.  On Wednesday evenings, go play poker with your friends.  Then, if
you don't lose too much money, after six weeks bring home a new boat.  "See,
sweety, this is what I made in class.  No.  Didn't cost a penny."

Fifth, as a general rule always pay for boating stuff with cash.  No record.
Then lie about how much it cost.  I have found that cooperative retailers
are sometimes willing to give you a fake receipt.  This helps.  "Yeah, it
was on sale.  Last year's model, and they *had* to get rid of it.
Tremendous deal."

Sixth, make things up about the source of the money.  "Yeah, I won big at
poker last Wednesday. . . . What?  What kayaking building course?  Oh, yeah,
that one.  I meant poker last . . . um, at work."  Or: "I found $3,000.00
laying by the side of the road."  Etc.

There is always The Last Resort:  D-I-V-O-R-C-E.  I did this once over a
sailboat, and never looked back.  As my Mom says, "There's a lid for every
pot."  And a pot that loves kayaks might just find a lid that does, too.

Anyway, good luck.

Mark



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