[Paddlewise] My apologies to Doug and other misc. ramblings.

Matt Broze said:
>>>
Sorry I was so hard on you Doug. It had been a very hard week <snip>
stream of consciousness. Memory fades for how we hear or read something
and
in what context it was in. Oftentimes even though we know it was suspect

when we heard it the memory will forget it was hearsay and be left with
something like: Mariner Max "it had too small a cockpit" or "a hard
cockpit
to get into". I could go on and on with other examples but you get the
point.>>>

No need to apologize, we were just giving Jerry his "fix". Guess that
makes us co-dependent!
I do now see what you mean about selective memory in terms of what
people read vs what they remember. It has happened to me and I suspect
all of us. Imagining what it would be like to walk a mile in your
Moccasins, I'd think I'd be a bit hypersensitive too.

>>> <snip>
You have already read what I have written for Sea Kayaker on the
Storm Island Rescue <snip>. While you may not like all the conclusions
I came to... >>>

Your conclusions are fine, mine just would have been different, or had a
different emphasis.

>>>
As long as we are speculating about each others motives in public let's
try
this thought on for size. Could it be that you would like it to appear
that
I wrote or edited my version of the Storm Island Rescue vindictively as
the
result of your recent posting of hearsay about my kayaks you haven't
paddled. Hard to believe that was your plan all along, but I suppose it
is
possible. Could this have something to do with your wanting to get your
version out to the public first (even at the risk of destroying a
friendship
and your profitable relationship with Sea Kayaker magazine) and maybe
even
prevent my version from being published at all. My version includes the
way
the other two paddlers saw the incident as well as how you saw things. I
did
notice your version (as published on Paddlewise) had changed slightly
(from
what you originally wrote me) in ways that seemed to reflect and
answer/preempt some of the things I had written and sent to you for
comment.
<snip> >>>

Again Matt, you are reading waaaay too much into this PW rescue report
thing, as you did with some of the other stuff I said in my post about
the Mariner (I), rudders, etc. That is why I was tending to start to
worry about some of your conclusions that I thought I may not have seen
yet (but it does show you are a thinking man, going  beyond the one
dimensionality of many in the paddle sports fraternity). I also have
some new info about one of the other paddlers that perhaps should alters
my previous pretensions.

I was probably ranting just like you with my post. I too am having a bad
week, my back is completely screwed now (just in time for the "warm,
windy n' wild, but not-too-wet season" and "daytime big tide season". I
am very depressed -- even tying my shoes on a bad day can send me into
spasms, and  I blame my self for attempting to tow Andrew long after I
should have turned back on the crossing. My back has never been the same
since. My back is my "Mojo" (an Austin Powers thing) in sea kayaking
terms, and I am quickly becoming impotent. I lash out easily and say
silly things in such a state. And I am not you Matt. My inductive
reasoning skills, perceptions, and life's ambitions, I would hazard a
guess, are far more metaphysically based than yours. Please understand
this, and what kayaking means to me. I lack the mental acumen to
manipulate anything other than to get people excited about the paddling
lifestyle and share my experiences and thoughts with those who want to
listen. If I blurt things out at times, remember, you were the one who
encouraged me not to T.H.I.N.K.

You are a good man Matt Broze. Thank you for taking the time from your
busy schedule and livelihood to contribute to Paddlewise. Let's keep the
rest of our stuff back-channel, as I'm sure people are getting "sick and
tired"  (my favorite projectionary expression!), though it has show
folks the kind of stress that goes on behind the scenes and/or caused
them to wear out their delete key.

BC'in Ya
Doug Lloyd




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