>From: "735769" <735769_at_ican.net> >My Dear Young Man, > >How nice to hear that the youth of our nation are keeping abreast of the >latest technology What an honour to be the grain of sand that stirs the oyster into dispensing pearls of wisdom - and I have reliable reports that upon reading my initial posting, the good Doctor loudly exclaimed that I was indeed a "little grit" (or at least something that rhymed with that). It's been far too long since we've had the pleasure of hearing from you, Dr. Inverbon. >but I cannot forebear but to correct some >misunderstandings regarding the Norwegian Stability Troll. And, while I would never attempt match my own humble wit against the good Doctor's, a couple of minor observations on your comments if I may: >Norwegian Stability Trolls do look rather nice in the garden but >they resent being dressed up in frilly little maid's uniforms. >You don't have to strap them [Canadian Ballast Rocks] on, blow them up, >speak >kindly to them, whip them, or dress them in imitation leather Gore-Tex and >chains to keep them happy and functional. Dear Doctor, I believe you must be confusing the Norwegian Stability Troll with our Swedish Love-Trolls, which are geared, as it were, to rather another market and sold through shops that sell paddling gear of a different type. Although it appears you are already very familiar with the Swedish Love-Trolls, I would be happy to send you our full catalogue in a plain brown wrapper. >Fourthly, as everyone who has ever read fairy tales to his niece knows, >trolls are >easily distracted by goats and prefer to live under bridges. Unless one >steers clear of migratory goat herds and doesn't mind installing a small >but >carefully detailed model of the Golden Gate Bridge on the after deck a >troll >will never function correctly and will wander about the deck mewling >piteously and slobbering on your Gore-Tex. The latest generation of Norwegian Stability Trolls (the NST Mark VII)have been especially bred to weed out agoraphobia and hence not to need to cower under bridges. We were going to identify these improved products as "abridged Trolls" but many people in our test-market focus group thought the term sounded tautological. >Trolls, as is accurately reported by the Peer Gynt Society of >Norwegian Folklore can be defeated by three truths. Thus any three truths >such as "Your Mother wears Army boots" or "My butt itches" or "This jerky >tastes like cow dung" will disable your troll. True enough, so to speak. However, you can reprogram your troll by reciting three lies within one minute of the three truths. The recommended examples we suggest in the product instruction manual include: 1. "No, that PFD doesn't make you look fat." 2. "Spam is food." 3. "I've never blown a roll*." *Care should be exercised to pronounce the last word carefully, so that it is not misheard as "troll". However, if the resulting statement is still a lie, it will still complete the required three lies, and you will regain Troll Control. Philip Torrens N49°16' W123°06' ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
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