Michael wrote: > > 1) Estimates I've seen were that anywhere from 30% to 50% of > Inuit and Aleut kayakers died at sea. How gratifying that so many young people have lighted the candle of learning and, in particular, have chosen to study the fascinating people of the far north. Regrettably so many sources of "information" come to us tainted by poor scholarship. Such are the estimates of kayaker drownings and their supposed causes. In 1934 a group of anthropologists under my direction and funded by the British Public School Anthropological Society were engaged in filming Inuit mating practices - a task made complicated by the frequent disappearance of the males to hunt seals and the disturbing tendency for them not to return from the hunt. Faced with a dearth of Inuit to study our intrepid group followed the hunters at a discreet distance (The Inuit seemed unusually reluctant to be filmed) to determine what caused their diminishing numbers. Several miles from the settlement the group paddled near a glacier and performed a remarkable ritual. One of their number would dash in to the glacier wall, chip off some pieces of glacier and then paddle back to safety as quickly as possible. The reason for this haste became apparent when the glacier calved drowning one of the doughty paddlers while in mid chip. Once back to the group they would raft up and the chipper would pass around pieces of the glacier which they began to sniff. Eventually some would become so intoxicated from this (what we presumed was a form of hyper ventilation) that they would float away on giant Rossby waves to Las Angeles where they became movie producers and writers. Fortunately, among our number was a scientist who had familiarity with drugs and drug use. Snagging a piece of floating glacier he began to sniff it and soon entered into a drugged state. His comment afterward was, "Damned good shit, that":. Analysis showed the glacier ice full of very small bubbles that contained an substance similar to model airplane glue. Apparently the weight of the glaciers forced fermented cocaine gas up through the earth from Colombia where it originates and into the glacial ice. This, of course, explains the modern Inuit fascination with drugs and, more importantly, led to the development of Inuit Crotch Dirigibles that the Inuit used to discover Great Britain and later, to import cocaine into the Northwest Territories. Those who have not seen the great waves of cocaine laden Inuit wafting across the tundra have missed one of the most spectacular sights of that mysterious land rivalling the annual caribou migration in size and splendour. Like the annual caribou migration, the cocaine fleet was welcomed with great festivals punctuated by prodigious feats of eating, dancing and other things that people do when having a bloody good time. But, I digress. The Inuit hunters did not want their wives finding out about their activities when they were supposed to be hunting so they perpetuated the myth of the brave hunter drowning. They have stuck to the story and gullible anthropologists have perpetuated the myth. It is interesting to note that Glacier gas is lighter than air. Although we did not observe it, I believe that bladders filed with gas were used to lift primitive Crotch Dirigibles into the jet stream. We know little about this because they were carried across Poland where they were shot down by Polish anti-aircraft batteries who thought they were German Luftwaft. So, the cause of the disappearing Inuit has nothing to do with drowning at all except in those cases when the chipper got caught by the calving glacier. Sincerely, Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced/forwarded outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net Subscriptions: PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
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