[Paddlewise] Dangerous Game (trip report)

I wasn't feeling too well last week. I had read something on the therapeutic
effects of lifethreatening situations ( plane crashes, heartattacks ) so I
decided to find a nice, relaxing way to endanger my life. I decided to try
something new, so I didn't do any reckless driving this time, I didn't start
an argument in the street, I didn't sign up for a bungy jump. I went
paddling on the Amsterdam Rijnkanaal, the most dangerous and crowded canal
in the Netherlands.
A flaw in the Dutch Law allows kayakkers to paddle on that canal, although
you are definitely not welcome. Don't expect to be greeted by the commercial
boats, but at least they can not send you away.
I was wondering how dangerous a large commercial cargoship actually can be.
Kayakkers have a fear, bordering on panic, of getting sucked into the
propellor. The risk appears small to me: These big ships have a pointed bow,
so you have a good chance of being pushed aside instead of being pushed
under, and even if you are pushed straight under the hull, these ships are
so long and the boyancy of a kayak so big, the chance is very big that you
will be pushed aside long before you reach the propellor.
I must confess, it felt scary to get in the way of such a ship and paddle
straight at its bow. At the first one I chickened out. When I targeted the
second ship I was ready, but the other captain wasn't: He changed course and
managed to avoid me. I decided to change my strategy to a tric used by
rabbits on the highway: Wait on the side until your victim is very close,
then jump out onto the highway, into the light, and just wait.
It worked. The captain of the gasoline tanker probably never saw me: He
didn't honk, didn't steer. At full speed I paddled right at his bow and took
a deep breath before being sucked under. I heard a crashing sound and found
myself in total darkness. I wasn't under water, I could breath, although the
stench of petrol was overwhelming. I assumed I had paddled straight through
the hull of the ship and was inside now. That was not what I intended: I
don't like paddling in pools of oil, as happens far too often anyway. To
find a way out, I got my lighter (I am a smoker) and made light.
On deck these ships have signs "No smoking, no open fire". Stupid enough,
nobody ever bothered to put these signs inside the tanks. I can't blaim
myself for the explosion that blew the tanker to little bits and left me
with popping ears and half-burned eyebrows.
At least my little investigation was succesful: I now know the danger of
playing chicken with these ships. Apart from that, the therapy had worked: I
felt much better.



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