Re: [Paddlewise] Fear

In a message dated 1/29/02 7:01:12 PM !!!First Boot!!!, 
jimtibensky_at_hotmail.com writes:

<< involved intense fear, helplessness or horror."  One of the effects is 
 "inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma."  All this from the 
 DSM IV.
 
 I, too, have never been able to recall the steps involved in combat wet 
 exits.  My recollections always include every little detail up to the 
 realization that I'm not in the situation I wish to be.  And then every 
 detail of swimming after getting out.  But no memory of pulling the grab 
 loop, sliding out, getting to the surface.  And I never hang on to my 
 paddle >>

    It's funny, my reaction to my only unintentional dunking was like a car 
accident, vivid and exact. Things moved to very slow motion. I recall the 
moment I knew I was going over. I recall wondering what hit me and then the 
PANIC. But I had practiced so many times. I had done it, and done it, and 
done it. I had been learning to roll but wasn't proficient enough. I reached 
for the coaming. My hands hit that very familiar position and I was as calm 
as I was each week in the pool. I'm absolutely serious. I had all the time in 
the world to choose what to do about the problem of being upside down in the 
Potomac.
    I was in 50'+ water. It was mid Dec. with cold water. I recall that 
nanosecond of panic. I don't panic but there it is in my history. I recall, 
before even getting all the way over, that I noticed that there was no "gasp" 
reflex and I only had on my hat, no cap. Then I had to choose about trying to 
roll up. I had developed a bad pattern of loosing my paddle when I tried to 
shift it from one side of the boat to the other under water. I remember 
thinking I was with some of the best paddlers in CPA. I was in a drysuit and 
in no rush, my ego would be better served by a wet exit than loosing my 
paddle or looking like a landed fish if I blew the roll. I reached over and 
pulled the whiffle golfball and came easily out of my boat with my feet still 
in to hold onto it. I looked up and made a comment to the horrified paddler 
next to me, that he should go get the hat he had lost in the wind, that I was 
fine. Then I was back in my empty boat in about 45 seconds, would be my guess.
    I obsessed about that fall for weeks. Now it is just another of the 
pieces of my life that I find remarkable. My first words to the rescuer were, 
"Thank god for practice." I will now flip my boat in the pool and stay there 
until I'm slightly uncomfortable. I do not recommend going beyond that point 
because then a capsize becomes a test of survival instead of a kind of fun 
thing to do while you hold your breath. As I do it more and more my ability 
to do it expands. I can try 3 or 4 or 5 time on my offside and still have 
time to move to my onside and roll up without gasping when I'm up.

Practice, expose yourself, practice, be happy, be comfortable, practice, 
don't make it a test, be nice to yourself, practice, expand comfortably, 
practice.

Joan
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