Our fictional superhero *Payola* began his saturday like everyother he endured in his modern outdoor lifestyle. He would rise before dawn, insert his govt issued caffeine meter card into the coffee pot and receive his daily caffeine ration of 200 mg's of caffeinated coffee. Several years before a govt committee determined that coffee was not suitable for human consumption with caffeinated doses over 200mg pp pd. The hot link on the back of the pot sped the report back to DC to augmnent his file. Payola dressed, loaded his govt issued PP (Personal Paddlecraft) onto his hovercraft roof rack, from the govt monitored wharehouse behind his apt building. He gave his friend Payee, the govt agent in charge of the wharehouse, his Outdoor Activity Card (OAC) which Payee fed into the card reader and approved his checkout. Payee didn't even bother to look for the PFD (Personal Floatation Device), HPUSOR's (Hurricane Proof Unsinkable OutRiggers) or the PPRD (Primitive Paddlecraft Reentry Device). Payee winked at Payola and said, "I'll ya see at the pub tonight and you can buy my GA (Govt Approved) ration of beer tonight." Payola waved at Payee as they knew each other well. Thank the Founding Fathers for paying his bills on time! Last year Payola got a little behind, as they said back in the wild antiquity years, and he almost got his OAC and PP privilages yanked. Payola's car linked with the Modern Roads Network (MRN) and he chose an altitude to hover on for the duration of his trip to the put in. As he reached the MRN launch point he fed his CRP (civilian road passport), TV (toll vi$a) and IP (Insurance Provider) into the card reader. Fees and identity accepted he zipped off into the MRN to the shoreline. Payola arrived at the beach and unloaded his PP onto the grass with a satisfying wonk and walked over to the BCAPC (Boaters Competency Assurance Pay Center) and with his OAC fed into the BCAPC a folding arm on the side of the BCAPC activated. The arm illuminated at its tip, stretched over his PP probing and analyzing its interior. Modeled precisely on a *kayak* a name given to a PP long ago by the inuit people, Payola's PP didn't quite fit the parameters of the BCAPC. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP, cried the BCAPC. Bummer, cried Payola! Payola, stood by his PP or *kayak,* while a govt agent walked from his post in the harbor master's office and brought out his GPPBPP(Good Personal Paddlecraft-Bad Personal PaddleCraft) book. It had been done so many times before, the agent looked in and around the *kayak* while Payola idled his saturday on the beach as the various agents and ministers tried to understand his fascination with actually wanting his PP to be tested on such a fine day. Why couldn't he take a AHC (Acqueous HoverCraft) today? Scamlon, the agent, fed his VAC (Variance Approval Card) into the BCAPC and Payola inserted his AIFRV (Agent Interaction Fee Reimbursement Card) card right after. Payola didn't worry too much about the cost. After all, his 2 week long summer OAC Training Camp was fun, his skills fresh, he was not married and had a pretty good job working for one of the last private firms in the whole nation! With the BCAPC wand positioned for an area around the shorline to view his skills demo for the anonymous DR's (Data Readers) back in DC. Payola did the whole regimen, Forward Stroke, Rear Stroke, Low and High Braces and the one that got every DR in DC backtracking the data again and again, the *full immersion roll and recovery.* (Formerly called the Eskimo Roll, a successful group of UK PP's lobbied the US DR's and said they probably invented it, but if they didn't they were close, within a few thousand years anyway, and it should be described for what it is and not for who really invented the maneuver). Payola landed again, beached his PP, wiped the AIFRV free of H20 and fed that into the card reader again for the extended time to process his skills info. The BCAPC flashed green and Payola parked his hovercraft into a preassigned stall determined by an appointment he made 30 days ago, but not before 29.5 days ago and fed that temporary permit into BCAPC. Finally, at 5:30 PM Payola relaunched his PP from the beach to enjoy the sundown. Payola was sure glad to finally be on the water for that glorious sundown, wondering how it could ever be this good. Recounting the days events he only had 2 hits on his AIFRV, 2 hits on his OAC and 3 more on his BCAPC. A week's pay for a once a month privelage was darn good bargaining to this PW's (Primitive Wannabe) reckoning. (Last paragraph, I promise) The water was glorious, not a ripple in sight, as only the benignest of conditions were approved to be PP'd in. As the sun set lower and his 50th minute on the water turned to the 51st, Payola started for the takeout. He couldn't afford an overtime hit on both the BCAPC and the AIFRV not to mention the dreaded GAOTPBCPPM (Govt Agent Over Time Payee Bonanza Confiscatory Penalty and Punishment Machine). Why that could be a week's pay right there. Reflecting on the day he was still glad, just so glad that he was safe. So many PP pioneers before Payola got scared, hurt, even killed to keep alive the grand tradition of PP. As his PP crunched safely ashore he saw the BCAPC register his presence and satisfactorily click off on his 59th minute. He turned, yes he did, with a little mist in his eye toward the setting sun, and I think it's because of the great progress made in society today, no longer in the clutches of *extreme* this or that sports, but a concerted effort at regulated, govt approved safety! To put it the way the late Senator Conner Tiss Beemee put it, *if the most disgustingly stupid among us is unsafe in any type of PP why... haaaack-coooouugh-spiit-haaaah-huuummm... s'cuse me! ...ya, we will make sure industry, PP athletes and appropriate govt agencies involved in the oversight of the OAC tradition and their affiliates and approved subsidiaries can put a stop to that crap! So, high on his monthly GA privelage on the water, Payola hovered home slowly with his PP racked above, bypassing the pub, thinking he'll just savor the fleeting moments on the water and catch up with Payee later. Sorry 'bout that! Rob G *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author. 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Rob G - fantastic story - but I would call it year 2010 instead of 2050..... Scott Simpson Anchorage Alaska "There is always one more thing you can do to influence any situation" Lt. Gen Harold Moore, USA (Ret) *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author. Submissions: PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net Subscriptions: PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
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