[Paddlewise] Confessions of a Granola Paddler

--------------Warning:  major nostalgia alert ------------------

When I opened the first copy of ACA's Paddler magazine my new membership
brought me, it was a Yogi Berra moment:  "It was like deja vue all over
again."

Glitz, glam, intense bright ads, packaging for its marketing impact, and
nobody lookin' gritty or dirty, smelly or sweaty.  The same stuff I survived
as a long-ago climber and off-trail hiker when boots went from leather to
plastic, and sport climbing overtook alpinism.  When routefinding became a
matter of navigating glue-on holds on a vertical concrete slab instead of
traversing chimney systems, counting to find the one that lead summit-ward.

I doubt there are more than two or three ads in Paddler that offer stuff I
need, although there might be half a dozen with things I "want."  And I
ditched my Sea Kayaker subscription partly because the yuppie-index had
gotten too high?  Little did I know.

Give me a slow, wet start on a drippy morning, slimy with slug trails over
the rain fly, strong, harsh coffee stimulating the first sinus drain of the
day, as the loons hoot in the mist and oystercatchers skreek their
territorial warning.   When the mist and drip slowly lift in the wake of the
fourth front in two days, I enjoy the dank feel of three-day-old rubber
sliding over torso, and the skanky ordure of a fleece cocoon and paddle
jacket exoskeleton.

Off to prowl the back sides of reefs and slither behind stacks defending us
from the thrash of mother nature's messages from Japan, no one needs neon to
understand our insignificance before the watery world which makes a reality
the ad-makers would loath.  Drips off glasses and wrists wraith widely,
making us part of the piniped universe.  Eagles chitter overhead, hoping we
will surplus a too-small rockfish.

Lunch is three pilot biscuits and re-hydrated hummus, cheese a luxury, and
half an apple plus chocolate for energy.  On to sun-dappled coves and
befuddled kelp masses struggling with tide direction, none bright, all muted
and earth-toned.  The only neon is in the water/kelp contact, from light
interference in surficial tissues.

As the wind rises and the chop steepens, braces are our needed companions,
not wing paddles or Oakleys and mousse.

Dinner is a one-pot endeavor made hearty with intense carbohydrates, stewed
vegies, and a couple cans of preserved meat, unless another has nailed a big
rockfish or two.  Camp is behind a large log, under a 10 x 12 tarp, home for
four who can stand close company, with sleeping quarters on the small upland
up from the wrack, under raven-crusted branches, surrounded by a scatter of
urchin skeletons.  A kitchen is made from two logs and a scavenged plank,
with four rounds for stools, if we are lucky, and knee-to-knee conversation
more satisfying than any video.  "Did you see that whale?"  "Yeah!  First
Gray inside Benson ever!"  "Anybody got some body lotion for my rash?"
"Only if you trade out some of that 151."  "Apricots and Nutella for
dessert, guys."  "Again?  Man, that's the fourth night in a row!  Where are
the glamorous yups and four-course dinners?  You promised me Pamela Anderson
and I got John Malkovich's brain!"

Sleep is deep and assisted by wavethrash and wind noise in the treetops,
presaging the next front.  Unless the ad-makers come by to haunt us with
images of gear.

Where are those purveyors of flash and dash, out here where the continent
meets the deep?  Only the god of Visa and the handmaidens of MasterCard
know.  And the damn ATM in the cedar tree behind the privy is on the blink!

In the morning, there'll be granola.

--
Dave Kruger
Astoria, OR
***************************************************************************
PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed
here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire
responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author.
Submissions:     PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net
Subscriptions:   PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net
Website:         http://www.paddlewise.net/
***************************************************************************