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From: John Winters <jdwinters_at_eastlink.ca>
subject: [Paddlewise] Twisted paddles
Date: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 09:11:34 -0300
Note:
For those of you who do not know about Professor Inverbon, I read Paddlewise 
posts to him and write his responses for him. He detests technology and 
refuse to own a computer. I take no responsibility for the content of his 
responses and publish them as a public service only.

J.W.

Scott wrote;

>The "unfeathered," or "traditional" paddle came first. As I understand
>it, the feathered paddle was developed as a racing thing in the belief that
>the upper blade of the feathered paddle would create less wind resistance.

Dear Boy,

How gratifying to discover one so young with a healthy interest in history. 
So often the young ignore the lessons of history and charge blindly ahead 
into the abyss of the future un-armed as it were. Nevertheless, we must 
excersize caution and not believe everything that modern historians and 
paddlers call "history". I recall (and not all that long ago) when I too 
believed that the first Inuit paddles were untwisted. Then after many years 
of research while living with the Inuit and experienceing their twisted 
minds first hand I learned better and grew to accept and even love the 
twisted paddle.

When you have seen first hand the tender affection the Inuit hunter has for 
a twisted paddle, seen him caress it and mutter sweet nothings to it on a 
summer evening beneath the never setting summer sun you cannot help but be 
moved. The Greeks, you see, had nothing on the Inuit. After a hard days 
paddling through the ice bergs far from home would it surprise anyone that 
not all Inuit were straight? Of course not. This was a hard life and one 
gets companionship where one can.

But, I hear you ask, if they love them so much why do they keep it secret 
and why do we now believe the Straight paddle came first? We have narrow 
minded missonaries to blame for the secrecy. Along with spreading various 
European desease they also spread homophobia. If the priests had spent some 
time on the ice with the Inuit hunters they might have changed their tune 
but they didn't and we are the poorer for it. As for our belief that the 
Straight paddle came first we have the British naval officer to blame.

British naval officers on duty in the Arctic soon twigged to the Inuit 
hunter's nature and took advantage of it.  The Officers, however, ashamed to 
have engaged in such practices with anyone but a British seaman and fearing 
retribution from the people back home who believed the British Office would 
never stoop to such behaviour reported that the Inuit were straight. British 
amateur kayak builders picked up on it and soon the myth of the straight 
paddle grew to accepted wisdom.

The Inuit, being impressionable people soon enough learned what the British 
sailors said about them and assumed that what they said was not only right 
but true and abandoned the twisted paddle. Fortunatley they did not wipe it 
out of their folklore. Up until recently the truth was spoken only in hushed 
tones as the Inuit still feared persecution by homophobic missionaries and 
/or government employees hoping to better the natives. Fortunately their 
fears are diminishing with the current glut of Gay TV series making the 
twisted paddle seem almost normal. It hasn't hurt that more liberal minded 
athelets using twisted paddles have become virtual folk heros.

How wonderful it was this summer  to watch their little round faces light up 
as they watched the best Olympic paddlers race to victory using twisted 
paddles. I predict that, with the help of researchers such as John  Brand 
bringing to light the noble history of twisted Greenland paddles, the 
twisted paddle will take its rightful place as the very first Inuit paddle 
style.

Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G
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