Today I had to report for jury duty. Just my luck I got put on a jury panel. Neat thing it was a reckless boating case against a jet-skier. After a short wait I got my chance to answer questions. "Do you take part in any on-water activities?" asked the prosecutor "Yes, sir" I replied. "Do you ride jet skis or personal watercraft?" "No sir I do not". "In what kind of water activities do you participate? "I am a kayaker" "Thanks. Your honor this juror is acceptable to the prosecution" Then the defense attorney had his chance "So you are a kayak fisherman." he said while shaking his head as if he had said "So you are a horse thief." "No sir. I do not fish out of my kayak" "Are you telling me and this court that you have a kayak and you do not fish out of it?" "That is correct. I do not fish from my kayak" "Oh then you must be one of those white-water kayakers that goes up and plays on the rapids on the Guadalupe River?" "No sir I do not paddle white-water" "If you don't fish and you do not like white-water why would you want to have a kayak?" "I just like to get out on the water and paddle." "I do not think you really paddle a kayak. Quick, What size is your paddle, what is the feather angle, aluminum or fiberglass" "Its just over 7 ft and has 3.5 inch blades , it is unfeathered and it is wood" "Your honor this juror has just described a 2x4. I do not know why he is making this up but I think he should be fined for contempt of court. for making light of these proceedings" the defense attorney replied indignantly. "Well what do you have to say to that?" asked the judge. "Your honor, it is a West Greenland paddle built my Mark Rodgers based on measurements from historical paddles used by the Inuit in Greenland. I have lots of pictures of it and my kayak in my wallet if you want to see them." "No not necessary. Let's just cut to the chase. What do you think of jet-skis?" asked the judge. "Jet skis and PWC's are the most sinister inventions since pay toilets. Those that ride them are obviously the spawn of Satan and their souls are condemned to a purgatory where their ears are constantly bombarded with the sound of fingernails dragging across a chalk board and the voice of Gilbert Godfrey reading airline luggage regulations, their noises are filled with the smell of long unwashed neoprene booties and sun-ripened fish entrails, and their only place to rest is on water beds with 3 ft sloshing waves as they are sprayed with copious amounts of water. Jet skis and PWC's should be banned from the face of the earth. The riders should be mercilessly clubbed to death as they return to the boat ramps. The IRS should be required to audit anyone buying one. I could say more, but they said to keep our answers short and to the point." I replied. "Juror is dismissed." Too bad. If I had known I could have had the kayak on the car and been down at the marina in 5 minutes. Note: Court transcripts to verify the above events are available from the TLA (Texas Liars Association) I actually did get called to jury duty today. It is amazing what you mind thinks about while listening for 2 hrs for your name to be called with an assigned seat number. I never did get called so I did get to go paddling later in the day. Mark J. Arnold *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author. Submissions: PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net Subscriptions: PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
Not true Mark. Everything is so much bigger, more beautiful, and more exciting in Texas that people from other states think we are lying when we are just telling the simple truth. :) I will admit that if you want to stand out as a "Teller of Tall Tales" in Texas you do have work a little harder at it than in some other places. Mark J. Arnold Mark Sanders replied: > I hear everyone born in Texas is an automatic member! > > > > Note: Court transcripts to verify the above events are available > > from the TLA (Texas Liars Association) *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author. Submissions: PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net Subscriptions: PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
I hear everyone born in Texas is an automatic member! Mark 5/30 8am > -----Original Message----- > From: owner-paddlewise_at_paddlewise.net > [mailto:owner-paddlewise_at_paddlewise.net]On Behalf Of Mark Arnold > > Note: Court transcripts to verify the above events are available > from the TLA (Texas Liars Association) > Mark J. Arnold *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author. Submissions: PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net Subscriptions: PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
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