[Paddlewise] The Environmental-Friendly Viking Funeral

For those Paddlewisers who are absolutely hell-bent (or Valhalla-bent) on a
Viking funeral but are too environmentally freaky to do it, I've thought up
a few ways to mitigate one's impact and still have that Viking funeral
you've always dreamed of.

1. Calculate all the possible costs and pay off a developing nation. Or me.
Checks gladly accepted.

2. Have a gas-fired Viking funeral using the burners from that old fireplace
system. This could be augmented by an automated reverse-bailer to sink the
boat (which could be recovered and sold, like all kayaks, on craigslist). If
you want to get really e-friendly the collect methane from a disused waste
dump or a local dairy.

3. Buy several tv sets and the "fireplace" video tapes, install them along
the gunwales of the "pyre boat", fire up the generator, and simulate a
"sinking" using garden sprinklers running from a pump off the generator.
(This might work better at night.)

4. Schedule the funeral for the 4th of July, Guy Fawkes' Day, Canada Day or
any day at Disneyland and make use of the otherwise-wasteful fireworks. The
reverse bailing system of idea #2 would work well here, too.

I'm sure there are other ideas out there. This is all I could come up with
on one cup of coffee. And yes, I do realize that some of these might not be
so environmentally friendly. But it's early. I'm thinking that the P'wiser
group can come up with more and better.


Craig Jungers
Royal City, WA
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