[Paddlewise] Beware Alaska Paddlers

The title of this post should really be "Beware of Paddlers Recently Back from Alaska".  If you have had any dealings with one of these paddlers you probably know what I am talking about.  They tend to drone on endlessly about the wonders of the beautiful scenery and the abundant wildlife.  They talk about the bald eagles swooping gracefully down to grab fish out of mirror like waters.  I counter with the story about the turkey vulture grabbing pieces of hamburger off the seawall.  They talk about the breaching humpbacks.  I mention that just yesterday a 8" mullet jumped and almost landed on my spraydeck.  They talk about the mountains forming a majestic backdrop for all the other scenery.  I ask if they have noticed how nice the downtown skyline looks from about a mile out in the bay (where you can not see the trash and graffiti).  They go into great detail about the waterfalls of cold pure glacier melt.  All I have is an interesting sewage overflow story so I keep my mouth
  shut.  I think you see the pattern.

As if this was not enough I discovered another danger with these RBFA's (Recently Back From Alaska) while paddling with one today.  We went for a leisurely paddle along the northern shore of Corpus Christi Bay (Tx).  The first portion is along a causeway crossing the junction of the main bay with the smaller back bay, Nueces Bay.  Then we paddled past the undeveloped Sunset Lake Park and on past the bluff that makes up most of the north shore of the bay.  The houses atop the bluff are an interesting mix of older one-story ranch homes with long piers sticking out into the bay and much newer and larger 2 and 3 story homes.  We finally got to the North Shore Country Club golf course and when a passing dolphin refused to come over and play we decided to head back.

We stopped for lunch on a narrow strip of sand and shell along part of Sunset Lake Park.  We sat and enjoyed our food and the fine view out across the calm bay.  Suddenly the tranquility of the moment was shattered by a blood curdling  scream from my paddling partner.  This was the kind of scream I would associate with either being attacked by a chainsaw carrying, horribly deformed maniac or with the pain of realizing that you had sat down for lunch in a bed of fire ants.  Since I was sitting next to him and experiencing no pain, I immediately turned to look for that chainsawing maniac.  What I saw was a small brown cat about 5 ft away hurrying back into the brush. In his defense it did have a kind of ocelot pattern.  But still it was just a little cat.

Soon it was being explained to me that in Alaska you always had to be looking for just the slightest movement in case a Grizzly was trying to sneak up on you.  I got to hear the story about coming out of the tent in the morning to find a Grizzly walking down the beach in search of his breakfast.  I also got to hear the story about the Grizzly moving the boulders at the kayak shuttle pickup location so that they almost missed the pickup because they could not get out and get the kayaks ready in time.  He explained he just turned and caught this brown fur blur and it really startled him.  Flashbacks to that Grizzly on the beach perhaps.   Maybe we are going to have to check out all these returning kayakers for PASAD (Post Alaska Stress and Anxiety Disorder).  Of course the only treatment would be to get them back paddling in Alaska as soon as possible.  I wonder if it might be contagious.  I do seem to be having nightmares about Alaska Marine Highway ferry schedules.  I have t
 o go check my medical insurance to see if a therapy trip to Misty Fiords would be covered.


Note: My paddling partner may not have the same recollection of this trip as I do.  But I promise that the facts have only been greatly exaggerated as necessary to make the story interesting. If something mentioned above did not really happen on this trip, it should have.  In truth, my paddling partner has never droned on about his Alaska trips (actually tells really good stories), but he did scream loud enough at that cat that I may need my hearing checked.

 
Mark J. Arnold 
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