Re: [Paddlewise] English Muffin

Mark wrote:
 but then came a man
> out on a stand up paddleboard. He let it be know he didn't like the way we 
> were treating the rocks and the poor barnacles there attached. He said we
> should stop immediately or he'd call the authorities.

"Home Land Security, how can I help you?"

"You're calling about what?"

Right.  Can I get your name. H O R A C E. Ok and what's your surname S O N O 
F V I T C H. Is that Russian. No, no just curious.  Now Mr. Sonofvitch, you 
say there are a bunch of kayakers down at the shore and that they're 
terrorising barnacles. Mr. Sonofvitch do you drink or take recreational 
drugs.  No, no, please understand I have to ask these questions. Thank you.

So can I put you down as an occassional user. Ok which do you prefer.   Mr. 
Sonovitch, Mr. Sonofvitch please lets keep this polite.  These calls are 
monitored by retired female civil servants who are screening for code words. 
Thank you that's better.

Now how many kayakers where there.  Nineteen, thanks, and how many barnacles 
were being terrorised.   You don't know.  I see.

Where any of the kayakers dressed kind of funny?  That's good, you say some 
of them were wearing rubber and others had helmets.  Were the helmets the 
cool kevlar models that sort of look like world war 2 German helmets.  No, 
that's too bad, I like those helmets and was hoping the President would get 
us some with our new uniforms.

Yes, yes I understand, now just two more questions.  Think about this 
carefully, were any of the terrorists, yes yes the kayakers, speaking 
foreign?  Right you think one of them might have been a Canadian. Yes Mr. 
Sonofvitch that's very important.  Why do you know how many of them there 
are in Los Angles.  Well lets just say it's the second largest Canadian city 
on the continent.  That's right only Moose-pit is bigger.

Now what language were the barnacles speaking?  What do you mean they don't 
speak.  Good God are you saying they're mute.  That's cruel, they can't even 
cry out for help.

That's just sick, we'll get a team down their right after the Super Bowl. 
You want us to go now.  Are you nuts kick off is only 15 minutes away.  Say 
Sonofvitch, are you sure you're an American?

Arnie, put a trace on this call and send one of those hockey lovin Canucks 
from the exchange program over to pick this guy up for questioning.

G Warner
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