[Paddlewise] tent stories

BRADFORD R. CRAIN wrote:
> 
>      Does anyone have any good tent stories to tell?

        Here's one. . . You see what all you academics and draft dodgers
missed by not being in the military? 

        Alaksa again, we were experimenting with pitching hospital tents in
freezing weather to see if we could  manage the frozen canvas. An Army
hospital tent (you've seen them on M.A.S.H.) is about 15' X 40' X 8' at the
peak with side walls standing at 6'. The timbers that hold the whole affair
upright are 4 by 4's with a 4 by 4 cross beam and some side supports about
the same heft. Ropes for rigging are the sort that I'd almost trust for
climbing. . . I'd be comfortable tying up a small ship with them. These
tents get hauled around in a "deuce and a half" --a 2 1/2 ton capacity truck
with twin axle duals on the rear drive. It takes about ten men to set up one
of these tents. You use steel tent stakes that look like small car axles,
and drive them with one of those "ring-the-bell" mallets you see at
carnivals. The only tents I've seen that are bigger belong to P.T. Barnum. 

        So. . . we set up this hospital tent out in the snow in Anchorage in
mid-November in 10 degree F weather. Then we let it freeze up really hard.
While we were waiting for the tent to freeze, a momma moose and her calf
wandered into the warehouse area where the tent was pitched. If you've never
seen a moose, they make a horse look really puny. They're about 6 or 7 feet
tall at the shoulder and have a head on them about the size of a whitewater
kayak--antlers extra. 

        Anyway. . . ol' baby moose wandered into the tent to have a look
around  and momma got a little concerned. So then momma went into the tent
to find her pride and joy whereupon the flaps closed behind her, leaving her
in the deep dark void with only the sound and smell of her calf to guide
her. So she did what every concerned momma moose does when she senses her
calf is is harm's way. She charges. . .  

        Momma managed to get most of the frozen tent wrapped around her
which just pissed her off. She pulled the whole tent down and dragged it
across the field where it was pitched. She also broke several of the tent
pole beams. The frozen canvas, which is that bullet proof stuff that only
the Army uses for tents, was brittle and stiff enough that it just sort of
came apart on itself. Of course the guy ropes and stakes got tangled with
her, trailed behind, and scared her into being even more pissed off. 

        After about five minutes of unbridled destruction, momma finally got
free of the tent. Somehow, junior never got tangled in the whole affair and
was standing around making distressed moose calf noises through all this.
Once the snow settled, momma and baby got back together and effortlessly
pranced over the cylone fence that surrounded the warehouse area. The six
foot cyclone fence. . . god forbid a cyclone fence should tangle with a
momma moose! 

        Some supervisory butts got chewed on that one. . . I saw the
paperwork. (Then we broke out some frozen C rations, had a laugh and a bite
to eat.) 

        Geo. 


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