Colin wrote; > I was therefore somewhat surprised when I read last week that a >kayak arrived in Scotland, along the coast that I can see out of my window, >circa 1730, complete with native paddler alive in the cockpit. I can't >imagine what the local inhabitants made of this traveller, but the poor soul >apparently died three days later, unable to communicate the circumstances >that led him to a beach in Aberdeenshire. News travels slowly in Scotland. Nevertheless, there is a move afoot led by the Dr. Inverbon M.Lit.,Ph.M., D.D.,Ph.D.to recognise this intrepid explorer who opened Scotland to world trade so many years ago. Dr. Inverbon is having the greatest difficulty in recreating the events leading up to this noble expedition but I can pass on what he has conveyed to me to this point. According to pictographs discovered by Dr. Inverbon a small group of East Greenland radicals was convinced that the world was round (Today we know how ridiculous the idea is but these were a primitive people) and that by sailing to the East they would reach Piccadilly Circus where they hoped to trade for fish and chips batter and warm beer. They made such a nuisance of themselves that the Angmassalik elders finally gave them three kayaks (named the Pamela Anderson, the Fergy and the #62) and a three day supply of muktuk. Bidding them farewell they promptly forgot about them. It was a good thing they did (forget about them) because two of the boats turned south and discovered what is now called New York where they cohabited with the natives and after generations of inbreeding developed a race of taxi drivers. The third member of the party persevered and arrived in the new world exhausted and stunned to discover that the natives were remarkably stupid and poorly educated. Most of them stood about reciting an incomprehensible poem consisting of 14,000 lines called the Percy. Those who did not know all the words to The Percy would recite poems by a local poet named Burns who had not yet been born. None was capable of speaking and intelligent word in the Inuit language no matter how much he waved his arms about. Even more discouraging was the discovery that there was no fish and chips batter nor even a warm beer to be had. The natives survived on a diet of haggis and a smoked cured beverage made from peat they called "uisge beatha". The tragedy is that our Euro centric history has failed to recognise this hero for discovering Scotland and bringing religion to its inhabitants. A small remnant of his feat remains in the Scottish national trait of frugality (you have to be pretty frugal to paddle from Greenland to Scotland on three days worth of muktuk) and in Presbyterianism. Dr. Inverbon hopes to undue the grievous wrong. Cheers, John Winters Redwing Designs Specialists in Human Powered Watercraft http://home.ican.net/~735769/ *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
John Winters wrote: < snip > > the Angmassalik elders finally gave them three kayaks > (named the Pamela Anderson, the Fergy and the #62) and a three day supply > of muktuk. Bidding them farewell they promptly forgot about them. > > It was a good thing they did (forget about them) because two of the boats > turned south and discovered what is now called New York where they > cohabited with the natives and after generations of inbreeding developed a > race of taxi drivers. Careful, some of us are New Yorkers!!! And the folks on NYCKayaker might get offended if you said they were related to the cab drivers. > None was capable of speaking and intelligent word in the Inuit language no > matter how much he waved his arms about. Even more discouraging was the > discovery that there was no fish and chips batter nor even a warm beer to > be had. The natives survived on a diet of haggis and a smoked cured > beverage made from peat they called "uisge beatha". > > The tragedy is that our Euro centric history has failed to recognise this > hero for discovering Scotland and bringing religion to its inhabitants. A > small remnant of his feat remains in the Scottish national trait of > frugality (you have to be pretty frugal to paddle from Greenland to > Scotland on three days worth of muktuk) and in Presbyterianism. > >From what I've heard about muktuk, you could paddle even farther on three days supply, because you wouldn't ever want to eat any of it. Though whether it's worse than haggis I couldn't say for sure - haven't actually tried either. Geez, just think of pulling out muktuk on one of those breaks in a long paddle, on a hot summer day! I think I'll stick with power bars and gatorade, myself. But Joq, I think these paddlewise folks may have something here to rival sterno paddling, you know. Use muktuk instead of sterno to light the torches on the boats as you paddle up ego alley under the mistletoe on the winter solstice? Joy Hecht former New Yorker (but once a New Yorker, always a New Yorker?) now in Arlington, VA *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
Joy wrote; (SNIP from post about New York taxi drivers) > >Careful, some of us are New Yorkers!!! And the folks on NYCKayaker might get offended >if you said they were related to the cab drivers. Dr Inverbon regrets that some ethnic groups might be offended but he will not allow the integrity of his research to be compromised by social niceties. > >>From what I've heard about muktuk, you could paddle even farther on three days supply, >because you wouldn't ever want to eat any of it. Though whether it's worse than haggis >I couldn't say for sure - haven't actually tried either. Geez, just think of pulling >out muktuk on one of those breaks in a long paddle, on a hot summer day! I think I'll >stick with power bars and gatorade, myself. > > >But Joq, I think these paddlewise folks may have something here to rival sterno >paddling, you know. Use muktuk instead of sterno to light the torches on the boats as >you paddle up ego alley under the mistletoe on the winter solstice? > Disgusting. Cheers, John Winters Redwing Designs Specialists in Human Powered Watercraft http://home.ican.net/~735769/ *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
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