Re: [Paddlewise] Future Product Announcement

Brian wrote;

>
> Tokyo commuter Katsuo Katugoru caused havoc on a crowded tube train when
> his inflatable underpants unexpectedly went off.  The rubber underwear
was
> made by Katsuo himself, and designed to inflate to 30 times their
original
> size in the event of a tidal wave.

Three cheers for Katsuo Katugoru for reviving the ancient "crotch
dirigible" that helped the Inuit colonise the world while ancient
tabloid subscribers  were calling down imaginary space taxis with graffiti
on the Naszca plains or building pyramids in Egypt to focus ether forces
for the levitation of politicians from office. Neither were successful as
there are
no wrecked space ships to be found in South America. They should have
known.
What self respecting alien would land where there were no bored housewives
or garage attendants for scientific study. No politicians were levitated
either. Their desiccated bodies cumbered the bowels of pyramids where they
have been found surrounded by thieves and archaeologists.  Had they
only known. Pig bladders would have worked as well a caribou hides and we
would all be descended from Egyptians instead of the Inuit. This, of
course, explains why Muslims remained confined to the Mid- East - pigs are
unclean and mothers have always told their daughters not to be caught dead
with dirty underwear.

What a wondrous sight it must have been to see hundreds of thousands of
Inuit wrapped in inflated caribou hide jockey shorts riding the  giant
Rossby waves of the Palaeolithic age (See note 1) on their sinuous journey
about the virgin planet. Further scattered by low level jet streams, they
populated the planet like so many hot air dandelion seeds.

Today a few serious students of anthropology like Katsuo Katugoru are
proving to a sceptical world the practicality of this ancient method of
transportation. Unfortunately, much has been lost in reproducing the
traditional "crotch dirigible " as it is called in Inuit folk tales.
Synthetic materials, while producing similar lift and inspiring greater
sexual achievement in those with a rubber fetish, lack the durability for
long distance flight and often explode at higher altitudes. Perhaps this
explains why there are more kayak replicas built than crotch dirigibles.
One really needs natural materials for a proper job. One enthusiast no
longer with us discovered he was allergic to latex rubber proteins but only
after he was elevated to 10,000 feet. In scratching himself he punctured
his dirigible. The FAA now requires pilots to trim their fingernails before
flights.

Sceptics ask, "How did the Inuit inflate these devices? Surely you aren't
suggesting that they had hydrogen generators in those days." One can only
smile at their ignorance. The Inuit used methane. Inuit folk lore is
resplendent with amusing anecdotes about  ingesting the partially digested
contents of caribou stomaches to improve methane production. Unfortunately
they lose something in the translation.

Sincerely,

Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.g


Note 1:
The Palaeolithic age is believed by many to have witnessed the first tool
cultures who used chipped stone tools, about 750,000 years ago, until the
beginning of the Mesolithic Age, about 15,000 years ago. This such rubbish.
Inflated caribou hides even when inflated with the hottest of flatuent
gases would not lift an Inuit with a pack full of stone tools. Besides,
Inuit dirigible pilots would have learned from the Hindenberg disaster and
daredevil university fraternity brothers not to have sparking tools in
close
proximity to flammable gases.




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