WHO INVENTED PAUNCH STEW? Lets give credit for paunch stew where it is due. Herodotus, writing of the customs of the Sythians in his coverage of Darius' invasions circa 500 B.C., provides the details of Sythian Paunch Stew, made from ox, and by the ingenious method of using nothing but the ox itself for food, fuel and cooking utensil. (See The Histories, Book IV). Add spices to taste. "As Scythia, however, is utterly barren of firewood, a plan has had to be contrived for boiling the flesh, which is the following. After flaying the beasts, they take out all the bones, and (if they possess such gear) put the flesh into boilers made in the country, which are very like the cauldrons of the Lesbians, except that they are of a much larger size; then placing the bones of the animals beneath the cauldron, they set them alight, and so boil the meat. If they do not happen to possess a cauldron, they make the animal's paunch hold the flesh, and pouring in at the same time a little water, lay the bones under and light them. The bones burn beautifully; and the paunch easily contains all the flesh when it is stripped from the bones, so that by this plan your ox is made to boil himself." -- Richard G. Mitchell, Jr. Department of Sociology Oregon State University Corvallis, OR 97331 U.S.A. (541) 752-1323 phone/fax mitchelr_at_ucs.orst.edu *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
Richard wrote; > >Lets give credit for paunch stew where it is due. Herodotus, >writing of the customs of the Sythians in his coverage of Darius' >invasions circa 500 B.C., provides the details of Sythian Paunch >Stew, made from ox, and by the ingenious method of using nothing >but the ox itself for food, fuel and cooking utensil. (See The >Histories, Book IV). Add spices to taste. > I am greatly indebted to Richard for bringing this to my attention and yet It would seem that once again the short and selective memory of historians plagues us for Post modernists historians, anointed with the blood of DNA, have discovered that the Sythians were descendants of Inuit crotch dirigible explorers who were wafted south by Giant Rossby Waves. The heat in southern climes promoted decay of their caribou skin crotch dirigible bags (according to Klohr - Inuit Explorations, pp 223 - 265) and they set down where there were no caribou. Attempts at making replacement dirigibles out of the much heavier Oxen paunches failed and, like so many science fiction travellers they were compelled to make the best of a bad thing. However, in the same manner that scientists around the world make great discoveries by accident, the Inuit developed all manner of uses for Oxen. In only a few short centuries (centuries were shorter then due to a priest class with little patience) there were Bar-B-Que parties across the length and breadth of Sythia using the self cooking oxen and a Texan with a J.R. Ewing syndrome would have felt right at home dancing the two-step with victimised Sythian womanhood. It is often remarked that drunken Texans, after eating a surfeit of Bar-B-Que speak in tongues that have remarkable similarity to the Sythian language. Sadly, the Inuit interbred with Sythian prostitutes (the higher class of Sythian womanhood objected to the Inuit pheromones) and, because they failed to leave their lusty Inuit sexual appetites ( what else does one do during the long winter nights?) at home they soon overpopulated the country. The results were predictable. The mongrelised race grasped control. The tragic treatment of the gentle Lesbians still disturbs historians who, upon reading about it break down into tears. Histories of the period are now printed on waterproof paper like so many Inland waterway guides. Had it not been for the intercession of more enlightened Inuit who kept their race and paddling style pure Lesbians would have been wiped from the face of the earth. We must beware of the careless use of labels. Just as one is tempted to assume that "Sythians" are "Sythians" and not the offspring of Inuit explorers emulating Spanish Conquistadors so are we tempted to carelessly use the term "Greenland" and apply it to paddles and paddling styles as if they have a purity of form and purpose, Indeed, the so called "Greenland style" of paddling is in reality the "British style" of paddling. As the Greenlanders moved away from human powered watercraft to the much more efficient Hondas and Yamahas they lost their original skills. The Brits, seeing a way to capitalise on the short historical memory (no written language) introduced the British style via BCU coaches who, like the missionaries before them did unspeakable things to young Inuit boys, The Inuit trusted the Brits as experts and soon claimed the reintroduced but corrupted style as the style of their grandfathers. In this we see the effect of reverse cultural intrusion and the failure of oral tradition to accurately transmit culture. Today, the Greenland style of paddling is erroneously labelled for in fact it is the British style as modified and corrupted by British army officers playing at Eskimo and returned to the Inuit via the the BCU propaganda machine. Sad but true. Historians are but bad writers of fiction. And what is the true Greenland style of paddling? We can never know although we are blessed with an ample number of experts who do know and should not be troubled that they cannot agree. Sea kayaking magazines would consist of but ten pages of advertising and an article about the mysticism of paddling were it not for the growth industry in Greenland revisionist history. Respectfully, Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
At 09:42 AM 12/4/98 -0500, John Winters (humble servant of Dr Inverbon) wrote: >Today, the Greenland style of paddling is erroneously labelled for in fact >it is the British style as modified and corrupted by British army officers >playing at Eskimo and returned to the Inuit via the the BCU propaganda >machine. SNIP >And what is the true Greenland style of paddling? We can never know >although we are blessed with an ample number of experts who do know and >should not be troubled that they cannot agree. Sea kayaking magazines would >consist of but ten pages of advertising and an article about the mysticism >of paddling were it not for the growth industry in Greenland revisionist >history. Dear Dr Inverbon, I am sorry to have to inform you that your excessive consumption of fermented Paunch stew has finally resulted in irreparable damage to your grey matter. The simple fact of the matter is that the Greenland kayaking lineage was never lost. It was in jeopardy of disappearing this century but fortunately through the efforts of veteran kayaking men (notably Manasse Mathaeusen) the old skills were passed to a new generation. The impetus for young Greenlanders to learn the skills and form the Greenland Kayak Club, was due in large part, of a loan to the Museum of Greenland at Nuuk of three ancient Greenland kayaks that had been preserved in the Netherlands. So you are correct that there was indeed a European connection. Today, seal hunters in West and East Greenland still ply the waters in traditional boats and equipment, although the rifle is more common than a harpoon nowadays. And of course, more still use a power boat, but that is not the point. Regarding consensus among "experts", show me any field where the "experts" agree. Being belligerent and eccentric is simply what makes someone an expert, apart from living out of town, talking with an accent and always traveling with a carousel of slides, of course. Dr Inverbon, if it is indeed true that the Greenlanders had lost their knowledge and were corrupted by those incorrigible Brits, then please produce to the paddling world one Brit who can demonstrate 35 traditional Greenland rolls including hand and throwing stick rolls, balance braces, chest sculls (staying upright with harpoon line attached to the kayak and pulled sideways by six men, or a truck on shore), and rope gymnastics. For that I would eagerly devour a 55 gallon drum of your finest paunch stew (please throw in some smoked whitefish and chubs, too). Respectfully, Gregory Paul Stamer Paunch Stew (and smoked fish) Connoisseur *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
In a message dated 12/5/1998 10:09:13 AM EST, 735769_at_ican.net writes: << It is often remarked that drunken Texans, after eating a surfeit of Bar-B-Que speak in tongues that have remarkable similarity to the Sythian language. >> Being a Texan and having been sufficiently drunk enough a time or two to experience this, we Texans speak more like we have tongues shaped like a caribou pauch. Now what we do with these Caribou pouch shaped tongues in teh presence of Sythian women is another matter all together. But it illicits a sound from them similar to an Iowa feed lot porker. The squeel can be heard for miles across the open ocean. John *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
I am deeply indebted to Greg Stamer for reminding me of the British influence on Greenland kayaking via the importation of the British male social club. Soon after arriving in Greenland the Brits introduced the male social club to Inuit men who took to sitting around the fire saying "Jolly Good Old Man" and "I say" and "Did I tell you the one about Lord Muktuk getting thrown from a seal into some gorse bushes" like British politicians to a prostitute. Long before Menasse was a glimmer in his father's eye during the long arctic night Inuit men were sopping up British culture while, unbeknownst to them, the British were laying the subversive groundwork for the BCU. What were these brits doing in Greenland? Why they were seeking an air route across the Arctic. Cynics might ask how one finds an air route by kayak but they ask out of ignorance. The Brits were well aware of Inuit crotch dirigibles from pictographs left on the outer Hebrides and in London subway toilets (most saying Seal Blubber Rules). They knew that the Inuit had mastered flight long before they mastered paddling but that somehow the two were linked and they were determined to find out how.. But I digress. The Inuit kayak club structure provided the means by which British paddling technique could be introduced to young Inuit as "the methods of our Grandfathers" through audio visual methods such as slide shows and British Pub songs. Today the transformation is complete and the Inuit (as Mr Stamer so kindly points out) have expanded upon their basic BCU paddling range using various practical training methods such as lorries (one can never tell when one might hrapoon a lorry or even a Russian submarine and be towed sideways). I myself have had occasion to harpoon an American anthropologist while he molested a juvenile seal and my training with lorries stood me in good stead. He must have towed me seven versts before being subdued. I must, however, take issue with Mr Stamer's use of the term "Traditional rolls". Despite my search of Inuit histories written in the original Hebrew I could find not one mention of rolls prior to the construction of the Great Inuit Subway system. As I have explained elsewhere, the Inuit who roll only do so because they failed to catch their subway. Successful Inuit do not resurface. In such accidental ways do new sports appear. You can imagine their frustration at rolling down to catch the cross town and not even finding the station. No wonder Mr Stamer had trouble getting clear information from a visiting Inuit. The poor man couldn't understand why he was being asked to catch the subway when there was no subway to catch. American paddlers, believing that rolling is the reason for paddling (Many never paddle anywhere but in swimming pools where their rolls can be more easily viewed in the clear water) have refined the sport and now have over three hundred different rolls. Individual freestyle, medley and synchronised rolling are being offered as demonstration sports at the next winter Olympics. I believe Mr Stamer does the Brits a disservice to imply that they cannot do as many. The average non paddling Brit can perform any number of rolls after a solid meal of bangers and mash. Imagine what he could do with a boat and BCU Star. Once again I thank Mr Stamer for calling my attention to the impact of the British Club System on Greenland Style paddling and look forward to sharing an oil drum of paunch with him the next time we meet in Greenland. Sincerely, Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.gasp-seakayak.net/paddlewise/ ***************************************************************************
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