Re: [Paddlewise] Weather, interesting book and receipes...

Ari wrote;

-----Original Message-----


>Malaurie gives also detailed information about food. There are some
>receipes,
>as for an example rotting 100 to 250 guillemots inside seal skins for
>months
>and eating it raw might interest especially dear old Dr. Inverbon, who is
>as we
>all know, a highly advanced eskimologist and gourmet...

How delightful to read about the wonderful fermented guillemot of
Greenland. Some of the fondest memories of my research in Greenland are of
sitting in an overheated hut with happy Inuit sharing a pot of guillemot
chased down with schnapps. To me the dish is reminiscent of Thai fish sauce
without the hot spices. More on that later, however.

Regrettably some dishes just don't make the transition to southern climes.
A
friend developed quite a taste for the dish and employed hundreds of
Inuit to hunt guillemot and ferment them. He then shipped it to Canada
where he sold it in small jars labelled "Inuit Hoison Sauce". The resulting
epidemic
of gastritis baffled doctors until a clever doctor discovered a feather
in the stomach contents of an addict and put two and three together to get
fermented guillemot. The product was soon taken off the shelves with
unfortunate
consequences as Canadians worked their way through withdrawal. It was
during the period of withdrawal that  Canada elected Brian Mulroney and got
in exchange the GST and a Prime Minister who could sing "When Irish Eyes
Are Shining" out of tune with Ronald Reagan.

It was a bad thing.

I have no idea whether any connection exists between the name of Nick
Schade's company  and fermented guillemot. John Winters reports that Nick
he seems perfectly sane in most respects although John may not be the best
judge of such things.

As I mentioned there exists a similarity between fermented guillemot and
Thai fish sauce. The eminent culinary historian and ethnologist Septimus
Brott has followed the trail as it were and discovered that the Inuit
introduced fermented guillemot  to the Thais during one of their aerial
explorations of the southern hemisphere in BC 10 (see earlier posting on
Inuit crotch dirigibles).
Brott discovered ancient scrolls showing Inuit floating over palm trees
with a small pouch of tied to their waists. Admittedly Brott wanders a bit
astray in suggesting that
guillemot has hallucinogenic properties that led to intermarriage with
Thais and a corruption of the gene pool. Lusty as the Inuit were I doubt if
they would violate their rule not to interfere with alien life forms during
their explorations (it is of passing interest that Star Trek writers
adopted this rule in the not so memorable TV series thus showing how
advanced the Inuit were and how moral they were relative to, say, the
Spanish who not only raped and pillaged but introduced Christianity to
natives of the
western hemisphere). Hard to forgive them for that Christianity thing. They
used to have such jolly fun sacrificing virgins and such. Life today is so
boring.

But I digress.

At no time have I ever seen visions while eating guillemot and, in fact,
the
more common result is temporary blindness not unlike one experiences from
drinking Sterno. I now see that absinthe is legal in Great Britain and
perhaps enlightened legislatures will allow fermented  guillemot in time
for the false millennium celebrations on January 1, 2000. No need to have
it
for the real millennium. My neighbour, a priest of the Cult of the Second
Coming, says there will be nothing to celebrate for the real millennium
unless one belongs to his group. He has showed me chapter and verse
revealing that the Cult of the Second Coming will inherit the earth and not
the
Jews as so many believe. Yesterday he stopped by and asked me to put in
sauna as he expects to have my house on the great day and always wanted a
sauna. Apparently he also wants my daughter.

As insurance I have joined his cult and a few others. One simply should not
take risks. I shall also wear my life jacket at all times and carry with me
flares, rescue lines, a wet suit, a VHF and GPS. I would carry a planner at
all times but what would there be to plan? Maybe which horse to ride but
there being only four horsemen I think I can remember them. A bit partial
to Pestilence anyway.

Sincerely,
Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G
Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters







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