It is with great personal peril that I make this post. However, I feel that the circumstances are so compelling it must be done. I recently received a phone call form an associate in New York (who shall remain unidentified for their own safety) who works for the CBS News Department. Apparently one of their staff was monitoring this list and became interested in the recent posts describing the dangerous cult growing in Northern Ontario. It was decided in an editorial meeting that it was worth pursuing and assigned to Morkeel Safer and his staff. Interested to discover if Janet Reno and the Justice Dept. were aware of this threat a call was placed to a highly place anonymous source in the DOJ. Much to the surprise of the news staff there was already an investigation underway. It appears that the government had identified kayak rudders as having huge potential for additional revenue. First there would be congressional hearings with all of the CEOs of the rudder companies. Then they would be vilified and demonized laying the groundwork for State and Federal suits and finally punitive taxes on rudders to fund anti-rudder educational programs for the children. The fear at the DOJ is that this Canadian cult would spread so quickly that the millions converted would eliminate all use and manufacture of rudders and thus eliminate this huge potential cash windfall. It was reported that already press statements were being prepared from taking posts out of context from the PW mailing list. These posts allegedly indicate rampant instances of child abuse due to the incessant references to paddling. Also it is suggested that pot use is encouraged to the point of blind intoxication as there are endless discussions of rolling and bracing. Already spy satellites have been re-routed to track over the Burks Falls compound to gather additional intelligence advice. When the State Department was contacted due to the international nature of this they had no comment. Although there seemed to be an unusual amount of activity between DOS officials and the usually sleepy Canadian ministers. I would be on-guard in Burks Falls, be sure the horse at the fire dept. has been fed and watered today, pack some extra bear grease in those fire wagon wheels and replace the duct tape on the buckets. Be Careful, Steve Freund QCC Kayaks (888) 794-3887 http://www.qcckayaks.com -----Original Message----- From: owner-paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net [mailto:owner-paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net] On Behalf Of 735769 Sent: Wednesday, October 06, 1999 5:54 AM To: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subject: Re: [Paddlewise] Evangelical Church of Rudderless Paddlers Last night as I read your posts a voice came to me out of a burning monitor and said, "Ye shall witness for me" "I have heard your call and I will answer, so saith the Lord thy rudderless God. " And he said, "Build me a church, a mighty bastion against the forces of evil and it will be a fortress unto thee, a pillar, a comfort. Yea, tho you paddle through the narrows of death my life jacket and my radar reflector shall comfort thee." And lo it was a miracle for I have no sound card. I will answer his call and this day shall start the First Internet Evangelical Church of Rudderless Paddlers. And we will fight the great wiggling Satan. Amen We will fight him in the clubs. Amen We will fight him on the beaches Amen, Amen Tell it brother. We fight him at the symposiums Amen brother, Amen And our lord the rudderless will stand by us for he knows we are weak. Oh, yes, weak. Amen, we know it brother Are we weak? OH yes Do we need our Lord's help? Oh Yes, . Will he stand by us? Yes, Lord Yes. We have all met the Satan. He tempts us with sliding foot peddles. We've seen them. Yes, Brother, Yes We've been tempted by stainless steel cables. OH Lord, yes Anodized rudder blades. OHHHH my Lord yes. Control lines. OHHH OHHH OHHH. But we fought back, oh yes, we fought back, Weak as we are we resisted. The Lord stood by us and held us up. Amen Do you hear what I am saying? Oh yes, Do you hear me? Oh yes Amen Shout out load, Do you hear me? Amen, Yes Brother we hear. Let us sing Hymn one-hundred twenty -Two "Onward Paddling Soldiers and let us sing out so all will hear our mighty voice and sing out with all your hearts. And while we sing this hymn of praise the electronic ushers will pass among you with the collection plate. Open your hearts and your wallets. The Lord's work is difficult and expensive and we need your money to carry the word forward to those heathen paddling clubs where the wiggling Satan has done his work. And if you happen to be caught short send your donation to Prof. Peregrine Inverbon, C/O The Evangelical Church of Rudderless Paddlers, RR #2, Burks Falls, Ontario, Canada. For a donation of ten dollars we will send you a genuine signed photograph of the Virgin Paddler. but if you don't have ten dollars send five dollars or even one dollar. Every penny counts. Just remember the Lord's words for it is easier for an Orca to pass through the eye of an oyster than a rich paddler to enter the kingdom of paddler heaven. Amen, Amen Amen Amen *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ *************************************************************************** *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************Received on Wed Oct 06 1999 - 08:14:32 PDT
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