Re: [Paddlewise] Licensing [was Crab Pots Rescued]

Licensing is an oppressive government action, requiring the services of a
police state to enforce it.  I advocate a free-market solution ;-), a
partnership between government and industry, the consensus irritation
terminator (CIT).

When a jetskier makes an idiot out of himself (strange how it's so seldom
"herself"), he does it to impress others, and for the sheer hedonistic
thrill, others be damned.  The CIT lets the rest of us vote on the idiot.
 It starts with you, the kayaker, pressing your CIT after you negotiate
the 3' wave the jetskier sends your way.  Your CIT sends out a brief
radio call on the polling frequency, alerting other paddlers,
beachcombers, fishermen, and homeowners who desire solitude.  If they
agree with you that the jetskier is an idiot, they add their votes to
yours, and when critical mass is achieved, a shut-off valve (let's call
it OBD-4, after the On Board Diagnostics mandated in our cars) is
activated, and the jetskier is DIW (dead in the water) for an hour.  The
jetskier gets his wish - he's impressed all of us, and we get ours,
silence for an hour.  If he happens to drift into the rocks, destroying
his jetski, he experiences heightened hedonism, and he earned his reward.

The jetski and boat manufacturers would voluntarily install OBD-4 devices
onboard their watercraft when threatened with oppressive OBD-5
legislation.  OBD-4 computerized devices could be programmed to
permanently destroy the engine if an offender garnered enough negative
votes in a day, such as a second offense within 3 hours.  OBD-4 would
send signals to allow law enforcement to track repeat offenders, too.

CIT has significant social benefits.  Neighbors could vote CIT to silence
the rock band (via OBD-4 on their amplifiers and drum tensioners) that
won't shut up at 10:00 p.m.   They could cripple the Harley Davidson
rider who rockets up the street at 5:30 a.m.  Someone lights up a
cigarette in a non-smoking area.  Press your CITs, and restaurant
management is alerted to call in Steve the Ape.  CIT allows the offended
to get their vote, anonymously, with soul-satisfying immediate effects.

Got an offending kayaker who peers into your sex life on your sailboat? 
Get a few others in your yacht club to join you in pressing their CITs
and the OBD-4 in his paddle breaks it at its joining point.  Are
birdwatchers bothering you because your feeder attracts the nation's only
breeding colony of Black-whiskered Bulbuls?  Get your wife and kids to
also press their CITs and the OBD-4 in the birdwatchers' binoculars
leaves them focusing on infinity.  

Is your wife a nag?  If your inlaws agree via CIT, the OBD-5 in her
braces leaves her unable to speak for a blessed hour of relief.  Cheating
on your wife?  If your girlfriends agree via CIT, you get a Bobbetectomy
from their OBD-4 chastity belts when you least expect it.

Bubba Harvey (who won't reveal his middle name, but it might be Jed, or
Jeff)


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