RE: [Paddlewise] Too-eager wife and in-laws (was: two kayakers missing)

From: Shawn Baker <shawnkayak_at_yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 11:13:43 -0800 (PST)
<snip great anecdote about wife and in-laws thinking paddling is safe,
and knowledge, safety, and precautions are unnecessary; all the while
Rick is realizing his learning process is important, but has a hard
time imparting that realization to the family>

Hey Rick,

My paddling partner is going through the exact same thing!

We paddled on Lake McDonald in Glacier National Park on Sunday.  The
"Glacier" bit should clue everyone in as to the average wintertime
water temperature. While the ice was off the lake, the lake was still
icy cold.  I haven't bought a thermometer to bring along yet, but I'm
guessing 35-37 *F.

Anyhow, he was to leave home about 7:00am to meet me at 9:00am to get
to Glacier about 10:00am.  He was an hour late, because his wife
confronted him when he was rolling out of bed, asking him why he
wouldn't take her along.

They had moved out west from Ohio, and she was hurt that she wasn't
with him on his first trip to Glacier.  Understandable, but that's the
only understandable part.

We've been paddling together for a year and a half, and there's been a
standing open invitation to our wives that they could join us, and all
they needed to do was ask.  We've invited them on so many pleasant,
suitable-for-beginners daytrips and been declined as many times, that
we've quit asking.  She wanted to know why she couldn't come on this
trip.  Ryan tried to explain to her that winter paddling wasn't just
something that you jumped into.  He tried to tell her that a person
needs to start out on calmer waters, in warmer water and wind
conditions; get used to handling a kayak; get comfortable in waves and
wind; learn a few rescues; and have suitable equipment and apparrel for
winter paddling.

He's asked her to join us on daytrips; he's cajoled her to even leave
the beach in a kayak at a demo days (she only wanted to sit in the back
seat of a double and steer while he paddled--he said 'nuh-uh', but did
take her out in the front seat) where there were plenty of people on
hand who could help in the event of a capsize; he's invited her to join
us at pool sessions (she declined because she doesn't like the way she
looks in a swimsuit); and she even gave him his drypants for Christmas
last year, so she at least realizes that it's something you ought to
have.  We only really have enough gear between us to outfit 2 people
for "hard-core" paddling.

And, after telling her all this justification, she asks, "So, can I
go?"

My wife is a non-paddler, too, but we've both accepted that.  She knows
if she does want to go, that I'll bend over backwards to accommodate
her, but not to ask about winter paddling!  She did join me on a 3-day
trip around San Juan Island this past summer, and willingly wore a
wetsuit and PFD.  After a 17-mile day, she knows how tiring a trip can
be*, and at least has an honest impression of what kayaking involves.

*We were in a double, and while I did a majority of the paddling, to
her credit, she participated eagerly, but just wasn't in the same
paddling condition I was in.

Rick, I think your action of clipping incident reports for her to read
is a good start, and it appears to be having some effect.  As for the
in-laws, perhaps you can educate your wife, and let her educate them. 
Or, have a paddling partner relate the precautions to your wife and
in-laws (remembering the old adage about preserving domestic harmony by
never trying to teach your spouse any sport).

I think I just solved my own problem in that last paragraph.  Sometimes
being brutally honest with your spouse doesn't have the intended
effect. I'll take it upon myself to share with his wife (in a friendly
way) the need for more precautions and care than she realizes is
necessary.

Best of luck,
Shawn

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Received on Tue Mar 13 2001 - 11:13:54 PST

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