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From: Mark Arnold <mjamja_at_earthlink.net>
subject: [Paddlewise] Measuring Kayakers (Humor)
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 2004 23:45:12 -0500
An interesting discussion so far, but some important measurements used to identify a great sea kayaker have been overlooked.  Please pardon the use of the pronoun "he" for the designated paddler, but I just can not force myself to type "she/he".  (OK I can not force myself to type it more than once).

1. Boat loan factor = Number of kayaks owned * (percent of time he has said yes to borrowing a kayak).
Note: If more than one type of kayak is owned add 0.2 to number of kayaks owned for each different type (touring, surfing, folding, etc)
Note: Add 0.5 to number of kayaks owned if loan of kayak includes $300+ carbon fiber paddle or a really nice Greenland paddle
Note: Subtract 0.2  from number of kayaks if more than 1 of kayaks is plastic.  I hate rock gardening in a borrowed fiberglass kayak since it usually results in "percent of time said yes to borrowing" going right down to zero.  Therefore having one plastic kayak available is a plus but beyond that I consider a whole plastic fleet as a liability

2. Boat transport factor = Number of kayaks carried on his car/trailer * (percent of time asked that he will transport kayaks and you and your friends)
Note: Add 5 * (1- percent of time he asks for gas money)   
Note: Max factor is 10 regardless of calculated number

3. Food factor =  Number of extra servings carried * (Restaurant price of equivalent serving)/5)
Note:  Multiply number of extra servings by 1.5 for imported beers, good wines, and freshly backed cobblers.
Note:  Add 1 if he cooks and cleans dishes on camping trips
Note: This is calculated on a daily basis so average what happens over long trips by the number of days in the trip.  Be sure and do a calculation for extra servings of snacks, main dishes, and desserts.
Note: Many people have used a "taste" factor but we know this is a completely subjective measurement and could not be adequately measured in even the best of tank tests.  I would be willing to try a tank test with a tank of lobster (boiled and with drawn butter) or filled with rib-eye steaks and twice baked potatoes if anyone would care to finance the tests.

Add the 3 factors and rate as follows

0 - 4.99      -- Would benefit from paddling with higher rated kayakers
5 - 9.99      -- Average
10 - 19.99  -- Superior
20 and >    -- Holy grail  (The hand roll is the holy grail for many kayakers, but finding a paddling partner that rates this high is my holy grail).


I am also working to incorporate the following factors, but have not completely worked out the formulas:

a. Inverse ego factor
b. Bladder capacity factor
c. Inverse chatter factor 
d. Naturalist factor - This was the "person who could identify that bird" factor , but I think it should be expanded somewhat.
e. Natureist factor -  This is the "person who knows where all the nude beaches are" factor.  (I think this is the proper terminology but I may have it incorrect)

Quote from a future famous philosopher:
"Is a kayaker measured with a Greenland  ruler any more or less than one measured with a Euro (metric) ruler?" 

Mark J.  Arnold - A  "2"  in search of a "20" .
mjamja_at_earthlink.net
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