[Paddlewise] Fwd: Raccoons and Kayaks ( aka Hoot and Blat - May 08)

This newsletter is sent to customers of our local
outfitter.  I thought that others on the list would
find the "tip section" to be of interest to kayak
campers on this list.


--- White Squall <info_at_whitesquall.com> wrote:
> 
> Hello Out There
> 
> We've been busy mopping and tidying up after our
> Festival Weekend. What a wet, windy and wonderful
> wormy weekend it was, so thanks to all who came, and
> a huge thanks to all the presenters.  
> 
> We've got openings in this weekend's kayak lessons,
> so if you are wondering about doing something
> totally different and fun - give us a call at
> 705-342-5324.
> 
> There are a few spots left on our Flatwater
> Instructor Course coming up June 13-15.     This is
> a national certification, also recognized by ORCKA,
> and well suited to anyone 16 yrs and up who is
> looking to polish their paddling resume.  You don't
> have to be an ace kayaker, it's all about learning
> to teach and share with others your love of
> paddling. Go to whitesquall,com to learn more, or
> give us a call at 705-342-5324.
> 
> Raccoons and Kayaks
> The Raccoon has evolved!  Researchers at the Cole
> Lake Institute for Lower Learning  report that the
> Franklin Island coon (a distinct subspecies called
> coonus smarterthanusus)  has figured out how to pry
> off just about any kayak hatch you can name.  There
> is no hope, all you can do is to listen to me -and
> if that doesn't work, please send money anyway.
> 
> 
> Tim's Multiple Coon Tips (yer gittin yer money's
> worth this month, let me tell you)
> 
> Tip #1
> Camp where there are no coons.  This will require a
> special "Coon Seeker" sold exclusively at White
> Squall for $395.
> 
> Tip #2
> Don't leave anything remotely smelly in cockpit/pfd
> (that includes your stinky neoprene socks, though
> why a coon would be interested in them is beyond me)
> 
> Tip #3
> Where possible, use a bulkheaded area that has a
> hardshell hatch.  Strap and rope it down with
> everything you've got, and top it off with pots and
> pans so you can hear the B&E going down and arrest
> them for unlawful entry.
> 
> Tip #4
> Use hermetically sealed containers with combination
> locks and as soon as you've memorized the combo, eat
> the piece of paper so the coons can't read it
> 
> Tip #5
> Consider donating to RWB (Raccoons Without Borders)
> and they may cut you some slack
> 
> Tip #6
> Hang your food.  I know what you're thinking -
> "trees? trees?  there ain't no stinkin' trees!"
> 
> Tip #7
> Okay, so don't hang your food!
> 
> Tip #8
> Put your food in a designated kayak (preferably not
> yours) and anchor it offshore.  Take into account
> the concept of swimming coons, rogue waves and
> anchors that let go in the middle of the night.   
> 
> Tip #9
> Just bring beer and forget the food.
> 
> Tip #10
> Purchase these ten tips printed on recycled paper
> for $29.95 and we'll throw in a bear bell for no
> extra charge.  You can tie this on to a stick near
> your campsite and ring it upon arrival.  This will
> notify the coons that you're here.
> 
> Tip #11
> If you are still reading this, go get raided by
> coons, it's not quite so bad.
> 
> Peace Out...tim
>  


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