Re: [Paddlewise] Pharr out in the Phog

Dr. Horissons wrote (via John Somers who may soon be prosecuted for
distributing hate literature)


Dr. Phog's glasses are well known here in Canada where politicians line up
to get the latest design in frmaes. While this may be good for Dr. Phog's
pocket book it is no great recommendation. Canadians generally vote for the
least acceptable candidate believing that such low intellecfts are safer in
Parliament than out on the street. Indeed, getting elected is one of the
better examples of Canadian socialism at work.

But on to more important topics.
Phog writes;


>  Obviously my presentation was too subtle for Inverberon.  But first,
>this business about a jolly miller is preposterous.  It is inconceivable
>that a stolid Brit would be flitting about the country side in such a
>manner.  This ludicrous image apparently comes from some unspeakable
>fantasy of Prof. Inverberon's. The only surprise is that he doesn't
>describe the fellow displaying some Dayglo-colored sprayskirt!

Obviously the Good Dr. has spent little time in jolly olde England where
flitting millers are as common as jackdaws. Dr. Phog must be getting all
his information on the firts Inuit colony in Europe from Derek Hutchinson
travelogues.

It is sad to see a great mind distracted. Every marine biologits knows that
whales are propelled by millions of small Jews who are swallowed by the
whales  in a fit of religous intolerance. The first recorded instance being
Jonah who was offened that a whale would set up shop in the Med and scare
tourists off the beaches. The smell Dr. Horrisons mentions should be
instantly recognisable as partially digested gefilte fish that may do
wonders for keeping a whale from floating on the surface unable to dive
whre they would soon die of dehydration.

When Dr. Horrison speaks on Voyageurs he is in his own territory. I recall
well his groundbreaking study of Voyageur flatulence and applaud him for
his diligence. I can still recall him crawling along on all fours with his
sensitive and needle sharp nose firmly planted up the backside of a
Voyageur testing for methane content. Few are so dedicated.

Still, one must not allow fanaticism to go unrestrained. To allow anti
bio-warfare equipement in the hands of radicals is only asking for trouble.
These defensive weapons have been used in the past by well meaning but
misguided zealots  in the search for the "Final Solution". It was in Venice
that Dr. Phog attempted to drown me when I exposed his nefarious plot to
adulterate the remaining stocks of Domaine Leroy 1990 with cheap California
plonk in an effort to destroy the French wine making industry. He would
have succeeded but for my efforts and the keen sense of smell of my valet
who sensed that something was wrong in a container load of kayaks shipped
from the Northwest US.  Now we know why US kayak builders make such high
volume boats. They are tools of the California Plonk Growers.

I will not dignify Dr. Horissons absurd comments about what we drink and
smoke in Canada. Smoking is not allowed in public places anyway and Dr.
Horissons would not know fine wine if it were presented to him in Reidel
stemware his taste buds long ago having succumbed to the caustic effects of
Voyageur flatulence. I told him time and time again to spend more time
paddling and less time sniffing the backsides of hard working Voyageurs who
found his attentions distracting but would he listen? No he would not.

Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G

Transcribed by his humble servant John Winters


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