I experienced something yesterday that substantially shook the foundations of my confidence. Thought it might be interesting to recount here. My life has been one of pretty well ignoring fears that cropped up at me from time to time. But this was different. I was actually scared. My Army life was what you might call a lark. We did stupid things in helicopters, jumped out of perfectly good aircraft, happily put ourselves in all sorts of dangers, played like kids with toys that could easily kill us... all with little or no thought of death. Raced motorcycles during most of my younger years. Following the Military, I worked with a group of people who risked their lives monthly, if not weekly... still no serious fear. And after that I began my own small business... another kind of risk, emotional and financial. Did OK. It was a different kind of fear, but manageable. But recently, I decided to learn kayaking. The first short experiences were exhilarating... till yesterday. I finally met fear head on. Not really being *into* this sport yet, we're renting boats from a local dealer. Well, we went with a group of about 15 people for our first serious open water outing. The instructor had an earache, was in a bad mood, and generally seemed to just want to get this trip over with. I was given a smaller (shorter and narrower) boat than I had been in previously... and one with a very rounded bottom. And my 6'-5" frame barely squeezed into the cockpit. But I figured he knew what he was doing in assigning me this craft. The wind was high, the waves were up (in my opinion anyway) but we headed out. We weren't 200 yards offshore when I felt something was seriously wrong. The kayak was far too tipsy and unstable. I should have ignored the "encouragement" voiced across the waves by the instructor that I "would get the feel of it soon". I never did. I thought the trip across the channel to the other shore would never end. I was the last one to arrive... far behind everyone else. (Except the one assistant instructor who stayed near... BLESS her!) All during the return trip I kept actually softly pleading a prayer aloud that I would make it back safe. The odd thing about all this is that I knew in my mind that I was in no real danger... We had practiced all the techniques, wet exit, single recovery, dual rescue, etc. I am a very strong swimmer, and I also felt comfortable with the training I had received. I was just gripped with an unreasonable fear that I couldn't overcome. In the past 28 hours I've had a lot of time to reflect upon that frightening ordeal. I know that I will soon get back into a kayak... but one I'm familiar and comfortable with. I know I will return to exactly the same place, and I know I will get beyond this. I merely wanted to comment on how quickly you can get in over your head if you let your thoughts run away with you. Perhaps this isn't much of a story, but somehow I felt the need to relate it. Maybe someday, sometime, remembering these few paragraphs will help someone else to come to grips with senseless fear. Bill *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
In a message dated 3/13/00 3:09:47 AM, 6075_at_ij.net writes: << The odd thing about all this is that I knew in my mind that I was in no real danger... We had practiced all the techniques, wet exit, single recovery, dual rescue, etc. I am a very strong swimmer, and I also felt comfortable with the training I had received. I was just gripped with an unreasonable fear that I couldn't overcome. >> I would be amazed if every PaddleWiser that read your account didn't feel very deeply for you as they relived their own moments of panic on the water. It was much too easy for me to empathize with you as I read your story. I have had moments of panic (sometimes a full trip's worth) that seamed equally unfounded and anyone who pushes themselves has been in conditions above and beyond their skill level. It's a shame that you were put in a boat beyond your comfort level. Given your height any boat will be less stable for you than for a shorter person since your center of gravity is higher. Narrow boats sometimes require direct paddle work to maintain balance. This techniques are normally beyond the beginner's abilities. The trip leader should have been much more sensitive to your comfort level with that boat. I hope you have the chance to push yourself in benign conditions so you can overcome whatever fear is pushing your buttons. Maybe in the summer you can find a small lake to play in rough water to help take the edge off. Best of luck. Jed *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
>My life has been one of pretty well ignoring fears that cropped up at me from >time to time. But this was different. I was actually scared. Bill, I agree with Jed that your fear was not at all unreasonable, and that I'd guess that there are few people on this list who would not easily relate to this post. Even with your impressive history of risk-taking, there are elements here that made the fear justifiable. Of course, there's that instability -- we have an elaborate and finely tuned equilibrium mechanism, and loss of equilibrium brings a strong and well-documented emotional response. Add to this your lack of confidence in the lead guide on that day. From your description of your previous experiences, I'm guessing that you had confidence in your companions even in the riskiest situations. This time was different (and, yes, bless the assistant guide). Add to this a set of sea conditions that were more challenging than you had faced before, and the fear is not only understandable, but predictable. I've been in a couple of similar situations, and -- to my surprise -- handled myself well despite my fear. Those events were liberating for me, giving me confidence without making me foolhardy. They also motivated me (and I second Jed here, too) to improve my skills on flat water as well to practice in surf and rougher conditions while in the company of highly skilled and safety-conscious companions and guides. This is a sport with a wide range of risk options, all of them joyful to those who stay within their comfort range. One can choose to paddle in protected marshes, in very intimidating surf, and everything in between. You can stretch your own comfort level systematically until you reach the point that gratifies you. Then, keep the joy of the sport by maintaining your skills and avoiding conditions that might take you beyond it (even while you prepare for them, just in case). Bob Volin (The morning philosopher who will go to work later....) *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
Perceived fear is real fear. It's just as important to the person experiencing it as fear which is based on actual danger of disaster. IMO - one of the many jobs of an instructor is to assure that clients are not put in situations where fear like this can occur. - Bill Hansen *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
At 09:26 PM 3/12/00 -0500, Bill wrote: >I experienced something yesterday that substantially shook the foundations of >my confidence. Thought it might be interesting to recount here. > ... >But recently, I decided to learn kayaking. The first short experiences were >exhilarating... till yesterday. I finally met fear head on. > >Not really being *into* this sport yet, we're renting boats from a local >dealer. Well, we went with a group of about 15 people for our first serious >open water outing. The instructor had an earache, was in a bad mood, and >generally seemed to just want to get this trip over with. I was given a >smaller (shorter and narrower) boat than I had been in previously... and one >with a very rounded bottom. And my 6'-5" frame barely squeezed into the >cockpit. But I figured he knew what he was doing in assigning me this craft. That was your first mistake. If you were uncomfortable in the boat that you were "assigned" you should have said something. As a customer, you should dictate which boat you want to paddle or which you would prefer not to. >The wind was high, the waves were up (in my opinion anyway) but we headed out. >We weren't 200 yards offshore when I felt something was seriously wrong. The >kayak was far too tipsy and unstable. I should have ignored the >"encouragement" voiced across the waves by the instructor that I "would get >the feel of it soon". I never did. Something nobody has mentioned so far is how your fear and the kayak you were in being tipsy and unstable might be related. When you sensed that something was wrong, did you by chance start to feel anxious and tighten up a bit. If you did, that probably had as much to do with the "tippiness" as the design of the hull. Next time you get ready to paddle a kayak that you haven't been in before, take a little extra time to loosen up. Stretch out your muscles by putting the paddle behind your neck with your hands on the shaft and strech out side to side. Swivel your hips back and forth and rotate your arms to get everything loose. Then when you get in the boat, have someone pull along each side of you, and hold your paddle out in front of you so that it's over the deck of both boats. Then start rocking the boat with your hips, keeping your upper body straight up and down. Really get those hips loose. Now, remember to keep them that way when you start to encounter rougher water. As long as you keep your hips loose, you can ride over some pretty good size waves, Once you let your fear start to tighten up your body it'll just make for a rougher ride. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
John Fereira wrote: > That was your first mistake. If you were uncomfortable in the boat that > you were "assigned" you should have said something. As a customer, you > should dictate which boat you want to paddle or which you would prefer not > to. > <snip> Hmmm, I'm not so sure about this. Many of us taller or bigger folks are uncomfortable in the boats found in an outfitters' fleet. Often, there just isn't much choice for someone who is considerably taller or heavier than average. If a person is 6'5" tall, and is not extremely slim, it can be difficult to find a boat to fit. If that person is even slightly on the heavier side, it can be extremely difficult finding a boat. Many of us have used uncomfortable boats for classes and rentals. And it is considerably worse for whitewater or surf kayaks. I know that if I was a beginner in that situation I would probably try to keep quiet deal with the boat that a guide or instructor had assigned to me. I would assume he or she had chosen a boat that I would at least be able to use for that day. It is not easy for someone (especially a beginner) to say, "Hey, I think I'm too big for this boat, it feels tippy, do you have a bigger one?" How is a beginner even going to know how tippy it is supposed to feel anyway? <snip> > Something nobody has mentioned so far is how your fear and the kayak you > were in being tipsy and unstable might be related. When you sensed that > something was wrong, did you by chance start to feel anxious and tighten up > a bit. If you did, that probably had as much to do with the "tippiness" > as the design of the hull. <snip> True, tightening up will add to the feeling of tippiness. But this won't help much if he was too heavy for the kayak to begin with. At 6'5" tall, he could have problems feeling stable in some kayaks even while relaxed. If a 6'5" person is a little heavy for his height, he will need very good bracing skills in many kayaks, at least on anything but flat water. Frank Who obviously has learned this the hard way. No more trying to squeeze my XXL body into those little British boats for me! :-) *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
I'm in agreement with the other postings in response to Bill's experience, but I'd like to add one more thing. I think it's very important for people to listen to their fear because it's an important survival mechanism; i.e., often our fear is really listening to intuition or that still, small voice. Sometimes we can discount our fear as duplicating fears from our past, or post-traumatic syndrome, etc. But all too often by not listening and dealing with whatever the problem is, because it's unpopular or seemingly unreasonable, what could have been avoided can quickly becomes a real tragedy. Neysa Narena <snip> >All during the return trip I kept actually softly pleading a prayer aloud that I would make it back safe.The odd thing about all this is that I knew in my mind that I was in no real danger... We had practiced all the techniques, wet exit, single recovery, dual rescue, etc. I am a very strong swimmer, and I also felt comfortable with the training I had received. I was just gripped with an unreasonable fear that I couldn't overcome. In the past 28 hours I've had a lot of time to reflect upon that frightening ordeal. I know that I will soon get back into a kayak... but one I'm familiar and comfortable with. I know I will return to exactly the same place, and I know I will get beyond this. I merely wanted to comment on how quickly you can get in over your head if you let your thoughts run away with you. Perhaps this isn't much of a story, but somehow I felt the need to relate it. Maybe someday, sometime, remembering these few paragraphs will help someone else to come to grips with senseless fear. > *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
I think Neysa has hit on something very important. If we feel as though we are in danger, then we probably are, somehow. It's very important to pay attention to what may be causing these feelings. The danger may not be what you think it is, so you have to analyze the situation carefully, but ignoring the sensation can lead you into real trouble. It can cause you to panic at the first sign of something unexpected, and it's the panic that's the real danger. Joan On Mon, 13 Mar 2000 16:36:47 -0500 Neysa Narena <NNarena_at_SystemAutomation.Com> writes: > I'm in agreement with the other postings in response to Bill's > experience, > but I'd like to add one more thing. I think it's very important for > people > to listen to their fear because it's an important survival > mechanism; i.e., > often our fear is really listening to intuition or that still, small > voice. > Sometimes we can discount our fear as duplicating fears from our > past, or > post-traumatic syndrome, etc. But all too often by not listening > and > dealing with whatever the problem is, because it's unpopular or > seemingly > unreasonable, what could have been avoided can quickly becomes a > real > tragedy. > > Neysa Narena > > <snip> > >All during the return trip I kept actually softly pleading a prayer > aloud > that > I would make it back safe.The odd thing about all this is that I > knew in my > mind that I was in no real > danger... We had practiced all the techniques, wet exit, single > recovery, > dual > rescue, etc. I am a very strong swimmer, and I also felt comfortable > with > the > training I had received. I was just gripped with an unreasonable > fear that I > couldn't overcome. In the past 28 hours I've had a lot of time to > reflect > upon that frightening > ordeal. I know that I will soon get back into a kayak... but one I'm > familiar > and comfortable with. I know I will return to exactly the same > place, and I > know I will get beyond this. I merely wanted to comment on how > quickly you > can > get in over your head if you let your thoughts run away with you. > Perhaps > this isn't much of a story, but somehow I felt the need to relate > it. > Maybe someday, sometime, remembering these few paragraphs will help > someone > else to come to grips with senseless fear. > > > > > ************************************************************************* ** > PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author > and not > to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission > Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net > Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net > Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ > ************************************************************************* ** ________________________________________________________________ YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET! Juno now offers FREE Internet Access! Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj. *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
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