[Paddlewise] When hell freezes over...

When hell freezes over...

Like many paddlers, I hold a particular aversion to jet skis.  While I would not go so
far as to wish spontaneous combustion of the drivers of such infernal internal
combustion devices, I can say that I would have no difficulty with the wretched
machines being banned entirely.  On the annoyance scale, I place them somewhere
between a tent full of mosquitos and a dentist's drill.  In short, hell would have to
freeze over before I would have anything to do with one of them.

Well, you can guess what happened.  Break out the crampons and ice axe.

I found myself in need of a chase boat for some canoe races.  The environmentally
responsible and relatively non-offensive put-put I used last year had trouble keeping
up with the canoes, so I put out the word that this year I would like something just a
little quicker.

Enter Bombardier.  The outfit which makes the Lear Jet.  They know what quick means.
They also manufacture the SeaDoo line -- the most popular line of  jet skis.  They
have brought the activity of jet-skiing (I refuse to call it a sport) to more
previously quiet waters than anyone else.  Enter the devil incartnate dressed in the
garb of a multinational corporation.

They said, "Richard, we have a SeaDoo for you."  They said, "Richard, it has a 210
h.p., six-cylinder Merc."  They said, "Richard, it even comes with a CD player just in
case things are too quiet."  They said, "Richard, you're welcome to it.  We'll even
through in a couple of chauffeurs.  Please, take it.  Be our guest.  We insist."

Well, I caved in.  I sacrificed all my values.  The universe which I had constructed
for myself is now in tatters.  I accepted their offer.  And here is something which I
never in my worst nightmare thought that I would ever say:  "Thank you, Bombardier,
for your kind support."  And you know what is even worse?  I really am grateful for
their assistance.

So hell has frozen over and I have succumbed to the devil's offer.  I'll try not to
enjoy myself on race day, but I can't make any promises.  I suppose I should have
anticipated that Bombardier is the devil, and that it knew all along that hell was
freezing over, for Bombardier also gave the world SkiDoos.

Cheers,
Richard Culpeper
www.tbaytel.net/culpeper




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