[Paddlewise] "The Psycho Duck"

Some things are so embarrasing that you hope nobody finds out - but then
again,  when you can laugh at yourself, they are also so funny that you just
have to tell someone.  That's the situation with this short little tale.

Saturday, I was out on the water by 8:30 am, for just a short (4 hours
total) paddle about 1/2 way up Plum Tree Island NWR, then turn around and
head home. Plum Tree is just off of Poquoson, VA on the lower Cheseapeake
Bay. 

Conditions were good  - sunny, temps somewhere around low 80's (guess), just
a small breeze, and waves at about 3 feet as the water rolled onto the
Poquoson Flats.  I'm about 100 yards off shore, paddling along day-dreaming
about "this and that", and for some reason my legs start cramping a bit, so
I figure I'll just find a nice little landing site, and have a stretch and a
little bite to eat.

Spotted a nice landing.  A little beach not more than 40 feet wide and maybe
15 feet deep, with a bunch of scrub growing all around the edges.  Pull in,
climb out, stretch, grab my day-bag, and pick a nice little spot to stretch
out.

Something in the scrub has been squawking ever since I got within 10 feet of
the landing, but I have no intention of bothering it, so I just ignore it.
I figure it's a duck - sounds like one anyway.  Two bites into a sandwich
the squawking stops.  Good, it doesn't feel threatened anymore.

I look over to that general area, and something else catches my attention
from the corner of my eye.  I turn a bit, and not more than 6 or 7 feet away
was a duck just sort of sitting there - staring straight at me - just under
the first few limbs of the scrub.  I figure it will start squawking any
moment, but it doesn't, so I turn and keep eating.  Couple minutes later, I
look, and it's still there..... just staring at me.  I'm thinking - what's
with this duck, is it playing head games with me, trying to psych me out or
something - QUIT STARRING!!!!  

It's perfectly still, except for the light ruffling of some loose feathers
on it. Now I'm thinking, maybe it wants my sandwich.  So, I tear off a piece
of bread and toss it over.  It lands about a foot in front, but the duck
didn't move to get it, nor was it spooked by me tossing something towards
it. So, I try again.

This time, I Bonk it right square on the head, and no movement.  WHAT
THE?!?!?!!?!?  Is this duck in a coma or something!  First thought was that
I'd been had by a decoy (hope nobody is watching this).  But, decoys are
painted.  They don't have loose feathers that ruffle in the breeze (do
they????).  Against my principle, I pick up something heavier than bread - a
small stick the thickness of a pencil and about the same length.... toss it
over.....lands right on the ducks back.  It doesn't move - DAMNED DUCK IS
SCREWING WITH ME!!!!!

I stand up, move around - it's still there - just starring!  But.....
not...at.....me.. - at the spot where I was.  Gotta be a decoy.  I decide to
screw my principles about not messing with nature and just go right for it.
I get right on top of it, kick a little sand in it's face, reach down, and
pick the DAMNED DECOY UP!!!!!  

Good grief - I've been had by a loose decoy that washed ashore and got stuck
in the scrub!  But not just any ole decoy.  Someone went all out with this
one.  Most detailed decoy I'd ever seen.  This baby wasn't a painted decoy -
it had a complete layer of feathers and everything! 

But, alas, still a decoy.

I look around - nobody here - good, I can make my escape.  Pack up the boat,
and off I go.  Leave the decoy behind - don't want any evidence.

As I'm shoving off, I'm thinking how glad I was that I had been solo, and
had no witnesses.  Two hours later, when I reach the takeout, my thoughts
had already changed  to "I wish someone had been there - it was just too
funny not to share!" 

So there you have it.  Next time someone accuses me of being a bird-brain
I'll probably just smile, and say "that's right, and I can prove it."

Ohhh - the squawking was real.  I'm not toally nuts yet, but give me a few
more years.

Rick - Poquoson, VA (home of the psyco duck) 


***************************************************************************
PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - Any opinions or suggestions expressed
here are solely those of the writer(s). You must assume the entire
responsibility for reliance upon them. All postings copyright the author.
Submissions:     PaddleWise_at_PaddleWise.net
Subscriptions:   PaddleWise-request_at_PaddleWise.net
Website:         http://www.paddlewise.net/
***************************************************************************