[Paddlewise] Confessions of a Granola Paddler

Old Greybeard said (snip):

>When I opened the first copy of ACA's Paddler magazine my new membership
brought me...Glitz, glam, intense bright ads, packaging for its marketing
impact, and nobody lookin' gritty or dirty, smelly or sweaty.<

Not sure if you are referring to the special ACA Beginner's Guide (May/June
2003 issue of Paddler), but it is fairly standard fair, though perhaps a bit
more full being a feature issue. I don't get the magazine that often, unless
something catches my fancy at the newsstand. This latest issue (presuming it
is the one you are referring to) has a rather informative overview of the
top ten all-time greatest sea kayak expeditions, in order of increasing
magnitude: 10)  Jon Turk's Japan to Alaska Expedition 9) John Dowd's
Indonesian Journey 8) Peter Bray's North Atlantic Crossing 7) Frank
Goodman's et al., First Circumnavigation of Cape Horn 6) Derek Hutchinson's
North Sea Crossings 5) John Macgregor's Rob Roy Expeditions 4) Ed Gillett's
California to Hawaii Crossing 3) Paul Caffyn's Australia Circumnavigation 2)
Hannes Lindemann's Atlantic Crossing, and 1) Franz Romer's Atlantic
Crossing, Portugal to Puerto Rico.

Now there's some nostalgia in those pages. I particularly enjoyed the
"Honourable Mentions" category, which listed the La Nina Expedition 1999,
Karl Schott's expedition from Berlin to Calcutta 1923, the Dupre/Hoelscher
partial circumnav of Greenland, Caffyn's other circumnavs, and the little
known 1,200-mile Hawaiian Islands circumnav in a Nordkapp by Greg
Blanchette.

Of course, as per usual, Paddler took the bit-of-a low-brow approach and
highlighted the accomplished bunch as "Psycho Sea Kayakers," but I suppose
this fits in with the hard-core WW contingent of their readership. All in
all, not a bad issue. The yuppie-adjusted advertising doesn't bother me.
Take any new piece of neon-colored Gore-Tex rimmed spray skirt type gear,
use it in the wilderness for a few weeks, and well, it'll stink and get
mildewy sooner or later, yeah, just like Dave at the end of a Haida Gwaii
trip. :-)

BTW, the Canadian sea kayaking magazine, Adventure Kayaking, presented a
woefully irreverent mocking of Yuppies and their "loud" gear an issue or two
back. It was a screamer!  Hats off (pardon the pun) to Alex Mathews.

Meanwhile, Wavelength Magazine plods along, remaining graceful and
granola-like, with only a few splashy ads and lots of soft-core enthusiasm
and hard-core environmentalism. As for Sea Kayaker, their "yuppie-index" may
have slipped up a few notches, their high-brow index high, but every issue
has something for everyone. Can't afford a subscription? Well, I have a
number of magazines I can't afford -- mostly woodworking and science ones. I
just pay a visit to the local Library at regular intervals. And heck, half
of what I see in SK is just real-time stuff we talk about on PW fleshed out
in publish-time -- new gear, towing rigs, trip reports, etc.

Hey wait a minute, maybe I'm a bit of a yuppie. Oh my gosh Dave! News-flash
to self. I hate slug-slime glinting off my dew-soaked gear bags in the
morning rays of first light (hide my gear in my vestibule); I hate sewing my
own clothing and gear when first-rate products are available at the local
paddle-emporium (rotate new gear in every year); I hate the unmitigated
gastronomic revulsion of multi day-old hummus -- reyhdrated dehydrated or
not (look for put-ins near a pizza joint); I love looking at neon-colored
bikini clad blonds (uh, females) alighting their tents for a morning dip as
the cool moist air invigorates each one's fleshy exoskeleton highlights
(okay, so I can dream); and I love the profusion of brightly coloured gear
that explodes when I hit camp (that's how NASA/Home Defence authorities
keeps track of kayakers and separate us from the bad guys, so DON'T get rid
of the flashy gear, boys and girls). Okay, just kidding Dave. Loved your
post, sir!

But as far as this Visa/MasterCard thing,  my next card is going to be an
American Express "Blue" card. That should be oceanic enough. Besides, the
other cards are all maxed out on gear purchases...

Doug Lloyd (who also enjoyed the Paddler issue for its "Destinations"
comments about BC: "The Big, the Quiet and the Beautiful: It must have been
a paddler who made the province." You are welcome up here anytime Dave.

Good health to all.

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"Whatever can be said at all can be said clearly and whatever cannot be said
clearly should not be said at all."
Ludwig Wittgenstein
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