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From: Craig Jungers <crjungers_at_gmail.com>
subject: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 09:17:12 -0700
My name is Craig and I have a problem. It could be worse, of course. I could
be a drunk or chase women; both more expensive than what I do... heck, I
have a friend who had a $400 bar tab one December at his local Moose Lodge
(where drinks are cheap!). And you don't want to hear what renting a car for
his hot girlfriend cost a pal of mine a few years ago. Plus the mutterings
of another buddy who told me that the next time he felt like getting married
he'd just find a woman he hated and buy her a new house. So while it could
be worse, it's still not pretty.

I buy kayaks. Second hand kayaks, to be sure, but kayaks nevertheless. Last
night I paid a paltry sum for a Mariner Escape from a nice elderly (although
she was younger than me) woman in Yakima who seemed pathetically grateful to
me to take it away. Maybe I should have looked at it in the daylight.

But I digress. I now have a triplex of sea kayaks, a quartet of white water
kayaks, a menage a troi of dinghies, a pair of sailboats, a couplet of jet
skis (my wife bought those, honest!), and one gutted power boat. Ok... maybe
it's not just kayaks that I buy. And anyway, technically the gutted power
boat belongs to my daughter and her husband. But I forgot to mention the
aluminum canoe (which, when the wind and waves hit the hull to make just the
right sound, attracts beer drinkers from miles around). I'm digressing
again, aren't I?

My wife, some of you may remember, asked me to do anything (including
getting a teen-aged girlfriend) to stop buying kayaks. But she was with me
on the trip to Yakima and mollifying her was as ridiculously easy as
treating her to a $100 dinner at an expensive restaurant. She practically
threw the new Escape onto the kayak rack in her eagerness to move on to the
main course, so to speak. I'm only surprised it took me 33 years to learn
that trick. This, of course, could lead to further "bad things".

And it's not like I don't paddle these kayaks. Not all of them at one time,
of course. But most of them some of the time and a couple of them a lot of
the time. I just bought a former automobile repair shop on a double lot in
town to store the stuff from the farm but, in reality, it will be full of
kayaks. Unlike a friend who told me she kept her Mariner Sprite on her car
all the time simply because she had the rest of her kayaks in the living
room and couldn't squeeze another one in, I am assured of an almost endless
bounty of room to store boats. As long as I can keep space mined out for my
wife's craft room, anyway.

Kayaks are a form of art, of course. Those graceful lines practically
begging for waves and sunny days would enhance almost any room. Heck, there
is a bar in Port Townsend with a Pygmy suspended from the ceiling and I'd
bet that it's far from the only one. If form follows function then kayaks
are surely sculpture of the highest sort. Like sailplanes and surfboards,
they scream movement even when they're sitting behind a couch. Not that a
sailplane would fit behind my couch, mind you, but you get the idea.

I own two sailplanes, too. And even, when I can be pried out of a kayak, fly
them.

So even if there is nothing quite so much worth doing as messing about in
small boats, I am clearly in need of help. If there is a twelve-step program
for boat junkies I'll join it just as soon as I find that Coaster I want.


Craig Jungers
Moses Lake, WA
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From: Mark Arnold <mjamja_at_earthlink.net>
subject: RE: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 12:08:33 -0600
This is an outrage.  Some people have no kayaks.  Some of us only buy a
kayak when the one we own is stolen.  I am writing my Congressman and
Senator and demanding a "Kayak, Canoe, and Boat Re-distribution Law" which
will provide for fair and equitable allotment of this precious national
recreation resource.  

I am also applying for a position and grant as the official US kayak
re-distribution manager.  Someone has to take all those kayaks and test
them so that they can be re-distributed to the proper end users.  I think
most kayaks could be adequately tested in 2-3 months, but that Mariner
Coaster would require at least 3-4 years of testing due to its unique
design features.  I will leave the canoe and boat testing to other agencies
with more qualified individuals.  

If you are interested in employment with the US Kayak Redistribution Agency
please e-mail me a resume.  Multiple kayak ownership is neither a plus or
minus.  However proof of severe kayak lust such as pictures showing you
drooling as you look at the demo beach at a kayak symposium or divorce
papers naming a kayak dealership as responsible for alienation of
affections would be helpful in obtaining a position.

Mark J. Arnold
Manager USKRA 
E-mail -  IWantaKayak.gov
Phone -  446-863-9925     


> But I digress. I now have a triplex of sea kayaks, a quartet of white
water
> kayaks, a menage a troi of dinghies, a pair of sailboats, a couplet of jet
> skis (my wife bought those, honest!), and one gutted power boat. Ok...
maybe
> it's not just kayaks that I buy. And anyway, technically the gutted power
> boat belongs to my daughter and her husband. But I forgot to mention the
> aluminum canoe (which, when the wind and waves hit the hull to make just
the
> right sound, attracts beer drinkers from miles around). I'm digressing
> again, aren't I?
>


For those who might not have recognized it

446-863-9925 = I Got New Ya
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From: <cholst_at_bitstream.net>
subject: RE: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 12:41:47 -0600 (CST)
Mark,

You're not related to Bill Richardson of New Mexico, are you? He wants to
redistribute Lake Superior to to the Southwest so people can continue to
water desert golf courses. The kayakers up here object, of course. Lake
Superior is already shrinking because of global warming: Warmer water =
less winter ice = increased evaporation + more warming from sunlight =
less winter ice = etc.

Chuck Holst
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From: Bradford R. Crain <crainb_at_pdx.edu>
subject: RE: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Tue, 06 Nov 2007 11:55:21 -0800
    Isn't Lake Superior shrinking also from an incredible infusion
of foreign mussels (not from Brussels) that are filling up the lake
and coating everything, including boat hulls, and now BR wants to import
these insiduous creatures to New Mexico? But it's ok, because they have
already invaded Lake Meade (guess Greyhound Bus Lines will sell tickets
to anyone or anything).

Brad

Quoting cholst_at_bitstream.net:

> Mark,
>
> You're not related to Bill Richardson of New Mexico, are you? He wants to
> redistribute Lake Superior to to the Southwest so people can continue to
> water desert golf courses. The kayakers up here object, of course. Lake
> Superior is already shrinking because of global warming: Warmer water =
> less winter ice = increased evaporation + more warming from sunlight =
> less winter ice = etc.
>
> Chuck Holst
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From: <cholst_at_bitstream.net>
subject: RE: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Wed, 7 Nov 2007 11:58:44 -0600 (CST)
Yep, zebra mussels, round gobies, and other imports. And the Mississippi
is being taken over by alien mussels and Asian carp. The latter are big
and known to jump into boats, so they are a potential hazard to all small
boaters, including kayakers and canoeists.

The zebra mussels are thought to have arrived in the ballast water of
ocean-going ships. How do you get an ocean-going ship into Lake Mead?

Chuck Holst

>     Isn't Lake Superior shrinking also from an incredible infusion
> of foreign mussels (not from Brussels) that are filling up the lake
> and coating everything, including boat hulls, and now BR wants to import
> these insiduous creatures to New Mexico? But it's ok, because they have
> already invaded Lake Meade (guess Greyhound Bus Lines will sell tickets
> to anyone or anything).
>
> Brad
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From: Craig Jungers <crjungers_at_gmail.com>
subject: Re: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 12:30:05 -0700
n 11/6/07, Mark Arnold <mjamja_at_earthlink.net> wrote:
>
> I think
> most kayaks could be adequately tested in 2-3 months, but that Mariner
> Coaster would require at least 3-4 years of testing due to its unique
> design features.  I will leave the canoe and boat testing to other
> agencies
> with more qualified individuals.


You will pry any Coaster I get from my cold, dead fingers; at least on one
hand... the other hand will be clutching a .357 magnum. I have had little
luck so far in finding a used one (tested or not) and I have even considered
buying a new (gasp!) one now that Mariner is back in production.

"I only want my fair share. I only want what's coming to me." (Charles
Shulz)

That would mean one of every Mariner model, my Nimbus Telkwa, and a nice
trawler for a mothership. Hey, I'm easy to please. :)

Craig Jungers
Moses Lake, WA

PS: Resume under separate cover
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From: John H <seajohnkayak_at_yahoo.com>
subject: Re: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program....There is
Date: Tue, 6 Nov 2007 10:29:01 -0800 (PST)
Hello Craig.
   
  I'm John. Im a kayaker.
   
  There is such a program.
   
  It may not always have the results you expect, but there is a program.
  We share our experience, our strengths, and hopes, like: Paddling the San Juan Islands, paddling out through the surf in breaking waves, and finding a 100 kayak mother ship. Sometimes we just share interesting stories. A few may tell tall tales. All in good humor and support of the sport and the kayaker who suffers.
   
  Try it some time...its free. I think it is called: ImPaddleWise
   
  Good luck,
   
  john
   
  ps - enjoyed your story, thanks.
  j

Craig Jungers <crjungers_at_gmail.com> wrote:
  My name is Craig and I have a problem. It could be worse, of course. I could
be a drunk or chase women; both more expensive than what I do... heck, I
have a friend who had a $400 bar tab one December at his local Moose Lodge
(where drinks are cheap!). And you don't want to hear what renting a car for
his hot girlfriend cost a pal of mine a few years ago. Plus the mutterings
of another buddy who told me that the next time he felt like getting married
he'd just find a woman he hated and buy her a new house. So while it could
be worse, it's still not pretty.

I buy kayaks. Second hand kayaks, to be sure, but kayaks nevertheless. Last
night I paid a paltry sum for a Mariner Escape from a nice elderly (although
she was younger than me) woman in Yakima who seemed pathetically grateful to
me to take it away. Maybe I should have looked at it in the daylight.

... sniped ...

So even if there is nothing quite so much worth doing as messing about in
small boats, I am clearly in need of help. If there is a twelve-step program
for boat junkies I'll join it just as soon as I find that Coaster I want.


Craig Jungers
Moses Lake, WA
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From: Brad Crain <crainb_at_pdx.edu>
subject: Re: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Wed, 7 Nov 2007 10:24:41 -0800
  The mussels invading Lake Meade are not zebras, but something
else. It is believed they arrived via trailered boats, although they 
may have been transported with bait. I don't think anyone really
knows. Authorities now require every boat leaving the lake to be 
cleaned thoroughly, including kayaks. The critters grow incredibly 
fast and I expect they will infest all major western freshwater bodies
in short order.

Bradford R. Crain

Chuck wrote:

> Yep, zebra mussels, round gobies, and other imports. And the Mississippi
> is being taken over by alien mussels and Asian carp. The latter are big
> and known to jump into boats, so they are a potential hazard to all small
> boaters, including kayakers and canoeists.
> 
> The zebra mussels are thought to have arrived in the ballast water of
> ocean-going ships. How do you get an ocean-going ship into Lake Mead?
> 
> Chuck Holst
> 
>>     Isn't Lake Superior shrinking also from an incredible infusion
>> of foreign mussels (not from Brussels) that are filling up the lake
>> and coating everything, including boat hulls, and now BR wants to import
>> these insiduous creatures to New Mexico? But it's ok, because they have
>> already invaded Lake Meade (guess Greyhound Bus Lines will sell tickets
>> to anyone or anything).
>>
>> Brad
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From: Dave Kruger <kdruger_at_pacifier.com>
subject: Re: [Paddlewise] The Twelve-Step Program...
Date: Wed, 07 Nov 2007 11:01:42 -0800
Brad Crain wrote:
>  The mussels invading Lake Meade are not zebras, but something
> else. 

Quagga:

The nutshell version: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quagga_mussel

A FAQ from Hades on it:  http://tinyurl.com/yrtzpl

-- 
Dave Kruger
Astoria, OR
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