Phillip Torrens wrote; > > Sorry Rob, much as I hate to admit it (I'm Canadian myself), Canadian > Ballast Rocks are now old technology, having been usurped by the new > dynamically self-correcting Norwegian Stability Trolls. Orginally developed > by the same lab that created ARPEEs (now brought out by Healy-Hansen) the > Norwegian Stability Troll is small enough to live below decks in your boat. > Once he detects the boat exceeding the preprogramed angle of heel*, he > scurries to the other side of the boat to offset the rolling effect. My Dear Young Man, How nice to hear that the youth of our nation are keeping abreast of the latest technology but I cannot forebear but to correct some misunderstandings regarding the Norwegian Stability Troll. In 1972 while our engineers perfected the Genuine Canadian Ballast Rock (TM) we also investigated the Norwegian Stability Troll and found a number of defects that have not been addressed in the latest model rushed into production by a Norwegian Government desperate to improve its trade balance in the face of a plummeting Euro. Firstly, the Norwegian Stability Troll, when taught to speak English, loses its work ethic and migrates to the Edmonton Mall where they smoke cigarettes, play video games, and engage in incomprehensible horseplay with pierced teenagers. Indeed, so assimilated have they become ( the trolls) that one cannot tell a troll from a teenager. I must say in their defense that I much admire their dental hygiene for I have often seen them vigorously and publicly cleaning each other's fillings. There is a little good in all of us. Secondly, while trolls do provide moving ballast they are easily distracted by bare flesh which they consider a great delicacy. It is for this reason that trolls are no longer used in warmer climes. My understanding is that they have returned to the trusty self-righting gerbil. Those who paddle in the nude are strongly advised against using trolls. Thirdly, Norwegian Stability Trolls do look rather nice in the garden but they resent being dressed up in frilly little maid's uniforms. Fourthly, as everyone who has ever read fairy tales to his niece knows, trolls are easily distracted by goats and prefer to live under bridges. Unless one steers clear of migratory goat herds and doesn't mind installing a small but carefully detailed model of the Golden Gate Bridge on the after deck a troll will never function correctly and will wander about the deck mewling piteously and slobbering on your Gore-Tex. One would do well to avoid migratory goat herds in any case particularly at sea. Finally, the most serious defect in the Norwegian Stability Troll, will be discovered by anyone making the mistake of paddling with fundamentalist paddlers who always tell the truth no matter how much it hurts. Trolls, as is accurately reported by the Peer Gynt Society of Norwegian Folklore can be defeated by three truths. Thus any three truths such as "Your Mother wears Army boots" or "My butt itches" or "This jerky tastes like cow dung" will disable your troll. So, while Norwegian Stability Trolls may have a future in the kayak world, it has not yet arrived. The Genuine Canadian Ballast Rock (TM) has two - hundred -million years of proven success as the only reliable stability enhancing device having held Canada firmly in place despite continental drift, the Liberals, and the American media. Indeed, its stable nature is its finest attribute. You don't have to strap them on, blow them up, speak kindly to them, whip them, or dress them in imitation leather Gore-Tex and chains to keep them happy and functional. Sincerely, Dr. Peregrine Inverbon, Ph.d., DD, LL.d, Ph.G Transcribed by Dr. Inverbon's humble servant John Winters *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
The professor strikes again! Does anyone have the complete, unabridged writings of the dear Dr? I thought that they were on the PW web site at one time, but cannot locate them now. Dave Seng Juneau, Alaska *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
> The professor strikes again! Does anyone have the complete, unabridged > writings of the dear Dr? I thought that they were on the PW web site at one > time, but cannot locate them now. > > Dave Seng > Juneau, Alaska http://www.paddlewise.net/topics/thedoctor.html I don't guarantee they are complete, though. Jackie *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
> > The professor strikes again! Does anyone have the complete, unabridged > > writings of the dear Dr? I thought that they were on the PW web site at one > > time, but cannot locate them now. > > > > Dave Seng > > Juneau, Alaska > > > http://www.paddlewise.net/topics/thedoctor.html > > I don't guarantee they are complete, though. > An updated page of the Inverbon posts can be found at http://home.ican.net/~735769/inverbon.htm Unfortunately (or fortunately) this page does not include his posts to alt.sex.seals Cheers, John Winters Redwing Designs Web site address, http://home.ican.net/~735769 *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
John Winters wrote: > An updated page of the Inverbon posts can be found at > http://home.ican.net/~735769/inverbon.htm Much appreciated. This site contains the all-time classics "Evangelical Church of Rudderless Paddlers" and "The Evangelical Paddler's Supply Store". I must say, however, that I feel cheated by the EP Supply Store. I ordered my transom stickers "Rudders Are A Drag" and "Clean hands, Clean heart, Clean stern" some time ago, and they have yet to arrive. Ditto for the two Condescending Sneer Masks that I ordered. Supposedly they are sold at a discount in pairs (for those of us who are two-faced), but is it really a bargain if they are constantly out of stock? I have received no response to my repeated e-mail inquiries. I suggest that people think twice before oredering from a retailer with such poor customer service. Dan Hagen *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
Dan wrote; > I must say, however, that I feel cheated by the EP Supply Store. > I ordered my transom stickers "Rudders Are A Drag" and "Clean hands, > Clean heart, Clean stern" some time ago, and they have yet to arrive. > Ditto for the two Condescending Sneer Masks that I ordered. Supposedly > they are sold at a discount in pairs (for those of us who are > two-faced), but is it really a bargain if they are constantly out of > stock? I have received no response to my repeated e-mail inquiries. I > suggest that people think twice before oredering from a retailer with > such poor customer service. These things are regrettable but just another example of the problems faced by internet companies experiencing rapid growth. EP Supply had such an inundation of orders that their system overloaded at the same time they went public. Millions of shares were sold at outrageously inflated prices and the principles have absconded to a spa in the California hills. Meanwhile, poorly paid illegal immigrants have been left to do the best they can at filling orders. Just be patient. you may not get you order but you might just get a cute little Mexican or Chinese kid who will polish your kayak for food and a place to sleep in your garage. Cheers, John Winters Redwing Designs Web site address, http://home.ican.net/~735769 *************************************************************************** PaddleWise Paddling Mailing List - All postings copyright the author and not to be reproduced outside PaddleWise without author's permission Submissions: paddlewise_at_lists.intelenet.net Subscriptions: paddlewise-request_at_lists.intelenet.net Website: http://www.paddlewise.net/ ***************************************************************************
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.4.0 : Thu Aug 21 2025 - 16:33:14 PDT